Free Relationship Advice Advice Photography Advice Relationship Advice Updated: Friday, 13-Jun-2008 19:04:06 EDT Dating Advice Ask Jim Free Advice Opinions and Answers Advice on all subjects! 35MM Slides to Digital This page is part of Saugus Photos Online. Read the CopyrightNotice Jims New England Stock Photos Read the first few paragraphs of this page and my disclaimer (below) before sending e-mail with your relationship advice questions or dilemmas on any subject except medical or legal. If your question is about your computer, please specify the platform, PC, Mac etc.  Please support Saugus Photos Online. Make your photography purchases through this link. If your age is relevant to your question, please include it. This is especially needed when asking about relationship advice. Include your state or country. By sending e-mail, you consent to allow your message to be posted on this Web site. Full names and e-mail addresses will be kept confidential unless you request otherwise. 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Use all people and resources available to you for help. I have no credentials in this field. Remember, free advice it worth what you pay for it! Photo Color - Skin Tones 4/13/08 Why would someone's skin appear pink/red/ or orange in a photo and nothing else in the photo has that tint? My friend & I had our children's pictures taken at school. Her daughter's face was orange & my son's face was pink. She brought her daughter's photo to the photographer & asked if they could reprint them. She said the photographer was very nasty & blamed the tint on the girl's shirt & he pointed out how nothing else in the photo was that color. I plan to bring my son's picture to the photog, but I would like to know what I'm talking about. Why would he be pink if his sweater is gray & the background is traditional blue? My thought is that it might be the color setting on his printer or maybe his shutter was set at the wrong speed? But why would only his skin tone be affected? Thanks for all of your help! Without seeing the photo it's tough to say. There are many links in the color chain, any one of which could be the problem. If I had to guess, I'd guess the face in the image was over-exposed. With traditional film processing, over -exposed faces would be too bright or white. With digital photography, over-exposure on skin tones can cause a color shift, often to pink or orange. One way to reduce exposure on skin tones, if all else is equal, is to increase the flash-to-subject distance. Very dark backgrounds or dark clothing can cause over exposed faces in portraits. A light colored or white background can sometimes render better portrait exposures. The cause of the poor skin tones should not be the issue here. If you paid for prints and the skin tones are off, any smart business person would offer a free re-shoot or reprints. If they can't get it right after a second attempt, you should get a refund AND get to keep the bad prints. Check any contract you may have signed with this company when ordering prints. The fine print may have words about color accuracy, satisfaction etc. 12/25/06 "I have trust issues" Q: My boyfriend and I have been dating long distance for 2 years. This past year he started attending a university and lives on campus. He lives only two hours from me, but also lives in a co-ed dorm on a co-ed floor. I get really jealous because all these girls are going in and out of his room all the time. He says that they're either friends or there for his roommate. He tells me he's not the sort of person who would cheat and says that I have trust issues (which I do because of relationships with my family). I'm scared to death that something is going to happen and I'm going to have my heart broken. He thinks that my jealousy and distrust is pushing him away. I'm scared and confused and could REALLY use some help. Thanks ~scared and confused A: I agree with him. You seem to depend on your relationship with him for all of your happiness. Nobody wants that kind of pressure. Stop pressuring him. Don't call him so much. Find other ways to occupy your free time. Your sense of security should not come exclusively from this relationship. You're expecting a broken heart. Don't think that way. Realize that if you loose this boyfriend, your life will go on and will more than likely improve! You can find the inner strength to deal with a break-up in a mature way. A wise man once said: "Change brings the opportunity for growth." Without challenges in our lives, we would not have the opportunity to overcome difficulties and grow into wiser, stronger beings. Every day, in this life, is a gift, but only for those who see it that way. Just a few generations back, most people struggled for the basics, food, clothing and shelter. 6/0206 - Click to read: Living together for last 4 years - Marriage? 9/12/06 Marriage Intentions Q: I am 26 years old and after graduating from college, found a girl after several relationships, with whom I have had a wonderful, healthy relationship with for the past two years. She is 20 and has begun courses at a university. During our relationship it seemed as if I was truly her only friend. I am excited about her attending a major university and meeting new people. I believe I am progressing in my feelings faster than her. Since getting her own place, I see certain sense of independence. I am interpreting her attitude and actions as not being so involved. If she had completed college at this point, I would be saving for a ring. I do not do this now because I want her to get through college with no distractions. Any advice to help me keep the relationship through college and accomplish my intention of marrying her upon graduation? A: Have faith in your future. Things will work, out one way or another. If she's gaining independence, that's a good thing. It's part of growing up. You don't want her totally dependant on you for happiness...or do you??? At 20 years old, marriage may be the last thing on her mind, even if you are "Mr. Right". She needs a certain amount of time to unfold while living on her own. Ask yourself, "Did I hope to marry her before she went away to school? Or, have those thoughts only come up only after the relationship became less secure for me?" Think about that, and then think about it some more. Often, when things become less available, we become more needy for them. Communication is key here. If you really want to marry her, let her know. You don't need to propose right now but you might say her something like,"If we can keep the relationship working through college, I'm may ask you to marry me someday." Let her know your serious, but not too, seriously! Let the chips fall as they may and don't worry about it. If you become too needy, possessive or clingy, you could drive her away. Good luck and thanks for writing. "How to get him to change" Q:Hey I would like advice please. My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years but we do not live together for 2 years because he continually breaks his promises. He never keeps his word to me about coming over to visit me and continually shows up late with no apologies. He also can't pay his bills and fails at school and got fired from his job for being late. I try to tell him that his behavior is bad, but he won't acknowledge it and says that I am being overly bitchy to complain and that he just doesn't like deadlines. Is this behavior acceptable? What should I do? I can't continue to live like this and I don't know how to get him to change. Thanks, Sincerely, Waiting for Him to Get His Stuff Together. A: You said, "I don't know how to get him to change." Here it is, in one sentence. You can't change him and it's not your job to do so! Forcing your will upon him will only make him resent you. Lots of women get married thinking, "My husband has faults but I can mold him" into a better person. You can only change yourself and what you are willing to accept . Read that last sentence a few times. Find the inner strength to rise above and move beyond your husband's faults. Don't wait around for him to improve. Your life should not hinge on him "getting his stuff together." Get your own stuff together. Find your true purpose on this planet. It is certainly not judging this man for what he cannot do. "I'm a Dog Person" Q:I am a newlywed, married in August. When my husband and I were dating, I had a dog. My husband had never owned pets, but seemed okay with it. Months before the wedding, my dog was killed. I was grief stricken, but I always knew I would get another dog; I am a “dog person”. I got a 10-month old puppy (with my husband’s approval) about 6 weeks ago. She is rambunctious, but is quiet and not destructive; overall, people agree that she is a “good dog”. I love her, as does my 15 year old daughter who picked her out at the pound. Two nights ago my husband told me that he absolutely hates the dog. She takes up too much of my time and is “always in the way” when he wants to be near me. I had tried accommodating his requests about the dog up till now – don't let her in the kitchen while we are cooking, don’t let her in the dining room while we are eating, don’t let her in the bedroom while we are sleeping. Apparently, that wasn’t enough. My husband told me if I don’t get rid of the dog, he is going to move out. I love the dog and would feel terrible to get rid of her. Even worse is what it would do to my daughter, who was equally devastated when our other dog died. Should I try to convince him to wait it out till she outgrows her puppy stage, make more rules about how much time I spend with her, etc, or give in for the sake of our marriage, even though he knew and agreed that we were going to have a dog? A: I'm not a dog person. Maybe I stepped in dog shirt too many times as a kid. I have a scar on my arm where Max, a German Shepard, bit me...thanks Mike! Here is the key phrase in your message "She takes up too much of my time and is “always in the way” Work on adjusting those exact issues and I expect your husband will "simma down". Making a marriage last requires compromise from both parties. When your husband comes into the TV room to watch, scoot the dog off the couch. Giving the pooch more attention and affection than your husband is not a good thing. When your husband threatened to leave because of the dog, he was angry. You became angry with him. Anger has a way of making us feel right...especially, when we're wrong. It's easy to become angry and stay angry. Moving beyond it requires the work. Compromise is the solution. Show your husband that his companionship is more important to you than is the dog's. Is it??? Maybe then he'll be more tolerant of the beast in the house.  Jims Hampton Beach, New Hampshire photographs page 8/17/05 Off to college... without my girlfriend. #0002 "I do not want to lose my girlfriend but I also want to live a normal college life." 7/30/05 Question and Advice # 0001-Click the link below to read it. I just want my parents to realize...He has honestly made a turnaround...What can I do to make them see that? 6/16/05 Why doesn't he learn? Q: Hi Jim, me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years. The problems we are facing come mostly from him telling me he is going to call me and not and recently he stood me up. We have had these problems for a while and he knows that I get up set when he does these things but he keeps doing the same thing over and over again, apologizing and telling me he is sorry and that he is going to change. But I am getting really frustrated and don't know if I can take it anymore. Now I feel like the bad guy, because I am avoiding him which I know is not helping but I don't know what else to do. Why doesn't he learn it takes me getting mad for him to realize that he made a mistake. Should I give up on 4 years??? A: Yes! Don't look at it as giving up. See at it as stepping up. I'll quote you below so that you might understand my recommendation. "he stood me up" "We have had these problems for a while" "he keeps doing the same thing over and over" "I am getting really frustrated" "I am avoiding him" Spending four years in this relationship is not a valid reason to continue when it seems to be failing. There are plenty of other guys in this world...blah blah blah. For the most part life is meant to be a care free and pleasant experience but it requires you to steer your ship around the rocks. Four years is more than long enough to determine if a partner is a potential lifelong partner, assuming that is what you seek. As usual, readers are invited to comment. Send e-mail to jim at saugus dot net. Put "advice response" in the subject line. 06/15/05 Hi Jim, Well, I am writing once again- it's funny that I first wrote you when I embarked into the wedding photography world and I often think of writing you with sooo many questions- but these for today! Do you have any advice for shooting in a church- not particularly dark- but almost all churches provide poor lighting- I have a stroboframe but I almost still always get some kind of shadow behind the neck of a subject. As per the dark look of the pictures , would exposure compensation help? I find when I use my flash- the subjects are lit fairly but the background is so dark- I can't really slow my shutter down because I get "trails" from hands etc. and camera shake and a tripod just wouldn't work inside for the ceremony. Uugh- there must be some tricks of the trade...churches just weren't built by photographers ;-) Thanks Jim, I appreciate it- keep well! Carrie Affordable Wedding, Infant, Family and Maternity Photography- visit www.members.shaw.ca/ckosky A: Thanks for writing Carrie. I'm no expert at photography, especially wedding or flash portrait photography. For the two weddings I did shoot, I had a tripod on hand. In one case I had an assistant who lugged the tripod as needed. For those " entire church from the loft" shots the tripod came in very handy. If a tripod would not work for you, maybe a collapsible monopod would do. The right mixing of available light and flash is an art in itself and often results in the most pleasing pictures. The dim lighting in most churches makes this more difficult. I attended a wedding reception where the ( very expensive ) photographer had four radio-controlled slave strobes set up on poles in each corner of the reception hall. For a church setting, you might try experimenting with an assistant transporting a light-fired slave strobe to help illuminate the area behind your subjects or reduce shadows. These experiments should be done prior to the wedding, of course. Another possible option for reducing shadows, or making them less distinct, is a flash diffuser of one type or another. Film speed, or film speed equivalent, will be a factor in how the existing light in a church plays into your pictures. If you shoot digital, you could try raising the film speed equivalent, but only during the low-light shots. The best way learn about getting the type of shots you want is to contact someone who makes them. Check out other wedding photographers Web pages. If you see pictures from churches where you like the existing light/flash mix, ask the photographer how they did it. It's likely they'll be happy to share some tips. You could also offer to exchange links to their site if they serve a different market area. Something else to keep in mind. Many of the things you see as flaws in your pictures go completely unnoticed by your customers.  Fireworks - White Mountains New Hampshire Q: Dear Jim, I am a 17 year old boy from Illinois. I was involved with a relationship with a girl from my school. After a long struggle, she convinced me to go out with her. During this time, she was mingling with boys at her job, and she was telling me the full story of those relationships. After time, I decided to end it with her, but our relationship continued to act as though we didn't broke up. It became an open relationship. From then on, she and I fell in love, but it is weird that she does love me but doesn't want to date me anymore, she only considers marriage between us. She now has a strong relationship between her and a 19 year old boy. She and I do stuff together, but their relationship is foggy to me because she won't divulge the details of it. I don't exactly know their actions and feelings towards each other. She tells me she loves me and I her, but in reality, she seems to use me as a crutch to lean on. She is very good at getting what she wants from other men because most men she is around and she works with seem all extremely attracted to her. Also, my family is very distrusting of her towards me, and I know is they want the best for me. One last thing, she causes women around me not to be attracted to me because of her actions towards them when they show interests. She doesn't want me to be with other women, but she can be with any man she pleases. Should I continue with her trying to build a relationship to marriage or give up on it. Sincerely, emotionally confused. A: You clearly see all that is wrong with this relationship. You mentioned your family's distrust, her manipulation of you and the other boys in her life. You see all this, yet you write to ask if you should try and "build a relationship to marriage." Hello? Anybody home? ... Sorry but I felt a little sarcasm would be appropriate here. Here's my take. This girl is hot. You and all her boyfriends think she's hot and she knows it. She can manipulate you and almost all the other boys. Why? Because you lust after her. See that for what it is. She is not so powerful. It's weakness on the part of those who crave her that gives her strength over them. She has learned how to keep boys ( you included ) on a string for her own sense of security. She's learned to scare away the girls who threaten that security. Not because she's mean or selfish, just insecure. You said "she seems to use me as a crutch to lean on." You could not have said it better. Is that what you want to be, a crutch? Forgive and then forget about her. You'll never be happy with her. Eventually you'll meet someone who is much more compatible. I'm sure of it! Q: Hi, I"m 21 and have been going out with my girlfriend of the same age for about 8 months. We are crazy about one another and have talked very openly about marriage, kids ect. Everything is great except her parents lay guilt trips on her. They say she is allowed to move out by her self or with a friend but not me. And if she does move out with me her mother has told her that she will not help her with the wedding, which is important to her. She also thinks that us moving in together will only make things worse because I will wait longer to ask her to marry me. Even though I told her I will when I'm finished school and have more money and I've giving a promise ring. It seems to me like that is risky thing to do these days marry without living together first. I think its a better idea to move in with her first to make sure we can share a life together. Please help I would really love any help you could give me. Thanks Austin A: I think it's safe to assume you did not read any of the entries before writing. I'm sure I'll sound like an old poop but here goes... You like the "try before you buy" concept. From her parent's perspective, this guy wants to try out their daughter before he deciding if he wants to make the purchase. Her parents are justified in my opinion. They want what they believe is best for their daughter's security and future. They expect the man who sleeps with their daughter every night to have made a commitment. They deserve a son-law who has faith in their daughter, and patience. Think into the future, ... 25 years down the road. You now have a 21-year-old daughter. Would you want her to be part of a "try before you buy" deal? Living together gives a couples many of the benefits and responsibilities of a marriage, without the commitment. When a couple like yourselves moves in together, a bonding takes place, on both a physical and metaphysical level. In a way, you become part of each other. Reading between the lines in your message, you say you're not sure if you want to marry her. There's nothing wrong with that. It's OK to have doubts. Early twenties may be a bit young for marriage anyway. When you finish school, saving money and having fun with your friends should be part of your plan. Do some traveling too. If you are certain you want to marry her, buy an engagement ring and ask her to marry you. Have faith. You said "Please help..." You want me to help you get what you want. I'm trying to make you not want it. I think that will help you more than telling you how to get what you want! Take a few minutes to read some of the entries below this one. As usual, readers are encouraged to write in with their responses for publication here. Send e-mail to jim at saugus dot net. Put advice in the subject line. Q: Dear Jim, I am a 21 year old male and I'm involved with an 18 yr old female for about three years now and I believe I love her. I am away at college trying to make sure I can provide for us. I recently found out that the women I love played a drunken game of strip poker and some guy got to see her naked. When I asked her she lied, but I probably would have lied to try and not lose her. I haven't been perfect myself but I'm confused. Should I act like it never happened and try to continue my relationship with her or should I be concerned that she's going to do it again? I really care about this girl and we were going to move in together in June, but I don't wanna get hurt! What should I do? Sincerely, Confused. A: I don't feel it would be wise to act like it never happened. You need to determine if she regrets what she did and if she considers it a mistake. If she's not willing to discuss it, that's a bad sign. Most of us have made mistakes we regret. Regrettable mistakes are certainly more likely after drinking to excess. I can't speak from experience but long distance relationships, like yours seems to be, can be very difficult to maintain. Read some of my responses below this one, you'll see I'm not a fan of "living together" arrangements like you're planning. The majority of relationship problems people write to me about, seem to come out of live-in relationships. Living together with your girlfriend will bring with it all of the pleasures and pains of a marriage. The difference is, you won't have committed to each other for life. When couples who live together break up, it can be just as traumatic as divorce. Statistics show that couples who live together before marriage have a higher rate of divorce than those that don't. My advice to you is this. Don't worry, be happy, like the song goes. You're attending college. Make that your first priority. Concentrate on doing well and learning all you can. Focus on finding finding a career that will bring you satisfaction and prosperity. You have more important things to be concerned with than "providing for" this far away girlfriend, who, by the way, seems to be not-so-good at poker! Thanks for writing and good luck with your future. ...I just wish he was better looking. 02/02/05 Q: Dear Jim I'm 19 my boyfriend is 20, and at first I went out with him because I was lonely. Which is wrong but true. We have been going out for eight months now, and I'm in love with him, and completely unattracted to him. I even have a secret crush on one of his friends. I haven't cheated on him or anything, but I have thought about it. I know I wouldn't, because I love him, he treats me well, but I just wish he was better looking. What is your suggestion? Thanks, Sally. A: It is certainly understandable that anyone your age ( or any age ) would want an attractive mate. Very often, the physical features we find attractive in the opposite sex are features that reflect good health. Let's look at it from a scientific standpoint. It's somewhat "built in" to many animal species to be attracted to the healthy looking members of the opposite sex. This helps ensure that the species produce healthy offspring, which contributes to the survivability of future generations. Now lets look at this from a different perspective. Lets say next week you have an accident. Your face is badly burned or scarred somehow. Maybe you are no longer what many people would consider attractive. After the accident, you'd still be the same person inside, just not so attractive. You'd want people, and especially a mate, to like you just as they had before, regardless of your appearance. Good looks are nice to have in a mate but as the old saying goes..."Beauty is only skin deep". You asked "What is your suggestion? In spite of everything I wrote in the last couple of paragraphs, I won't advise to you continue romancing this guy. Based on what you wrote, I suspect you would not be happy in the long run. In my opinion, your age of 19, is a bit young to commit to someone for life. It sounds like you may need to "sow your wild oats" before you'll be ready to settle down with anyone, attractive or not. As usual, readers are invited to submit their responses for posting here. Send e-mail to jim at saugus dot net and put "advice" in the subject line. Divorce Advice Q: Dear Jim, I'm reading your advise on the website and I wanted to find out your opinion about divorce. Why would a 42 year old male give everything up in life: job,house,children,family etc... to become a moocher and live a life of a bum. This person is in na,aa, and church related programs to get his life back in order, but to no avail it's been this way for some 5 years. Any reason why someone would behave this way. I can't seem to figure the whole thing out. Thank you, Avid reader. A: You asked for my opinion about divorce. My opinion is that divorce should be a last resort. You asked why a person would be a bum, and give up everything. I don't know and would not pretend to know. In many cases, a person who is totally irresponsible is being the only way they know how to be. They are powerless over their problems and don't have the skills or the desire to overcome them. For your own sake, try to avoid judging and resenting this man. Relationship Advice Q: Dear Jim, It seems I attract men who cheat. How should I deal with cheating? Should I ignore it and work on my jealousy and self-esteem issues or should I dump men who cheat? Even if I stayed with them and had protected sex, it does make me feel real bad when my lover cheats. Should I just accept cheating or dump them? Sincerely ,WT A: Instead of asking me how to deal with cheating, it might be wiser to ask yourself why you attract men who cheat. Relationship Advice Q: Dear Jim, My fiance and I have been dating for nine months. She continually breaks promises to me, and lies to me about it. I later find out, and she becomes very defensive. I don't want to break up with her, but I'm getting tired of it. How can I make her more trustworthy to me? Please help. Sincerely, Depressed A: You, and some readers of this page, might be offended by my harsh, no-nonsense assessment of your message. That's OK. I'm not writing to offend or pass judgment on you. I could be entirely wrong with what I'm about to say but I'll say it anyway. You can not force someone to be trustworthy. You call her your fiance. How can you love, and plan to marry, someone that you don't trust? I sense that you don't really love her, you only need her. The more needy you are for her, the less trustworthy she has to be. The more you need her, the less respect you'll get from her. Seek to become more self-reliant. You might attract a more trustworthy mate. I sense that you need this woman so badly, you're willing to put up with what ever she dishes out. And she'll keep on dishing, if you are overly dependent on her. She may be trying to drive you away. Just let her be for a while. Chill out. Find some new ways to occupy your spare time. Think about it. This relationship has caused you to sign your message "sincerely, depressed." Maybe the relationship should be dissolved. It's likely this is not the advice you wanted. Sorry, it's all I can offer and please, don't be offended. Thanks for writing. I hope my advice has helped. As usual, readers are invited to submit their comments, for posting, about any of the entries on this page. Send e-mail to jim at saugus dot net and put "advice" in the subject line. Relationship Advice - ...Ready for marriage but he isn't.. 3/31/04 Q: Hi, Jim! I am in my late 20's & so is my boyfriend. We have been dating for 3 years & have lived together for 2 1/2 of the 3 years. Our relationship seems to be strong except for the fact that he lacks trust in me & I am not sure why. I have not done anything untrustworthy in our relationship. I think that the reason he lacks trust in me is because of previous relationships that were bad. Other than the trust issue that comes up occasionally we get along great. However, he still says that he doesn't know when he wants to get married. I am starting to question if he ever wants to. I feel like our relationship should be nearing a marriage after 3 years. I am ready for marriage but he isn't. He is also wanting us to buy a house together. I have let him know that until we are married I don't think that us putting our names together on a house is a good idea so he has decided that he will buy the house & only put his name on it. I'm beginning to question if I am in a dead-end relationship or a relationship that will go no further than it is at this point. I want to eventually be married & have a family. Can you please help me with advice? Thanks, Confused A: You asked for advice. I can only offer my opinion of the situation. Take it for what it is, an opinion. You'd like him to promise to spend the rest of his days with you. If he already enjoys many of the benefits of being married to you, by living with you, it leaves little motivation for him to make the life-long commitment, that marriage is. Readers are invited to e-mail "jim at saugus dot net" with their opinions on this one for posting here. Of course you'll need to manually type my e-mail address, replacing "at" and "dot" with @ and a period. Put "Advice" in the subject line or your mail will not be read. A frequent reader of this column wrote: To the woman wondering whether or not her three year relationship will ever go further, result in marriage, etc....I say RUN!! This is just another example of why it is unwise to live together before marriage. After three years, and no progress towards a more permanent commitment, it is quite evident that he has no intent on getting married. Also the lack of trust should be a big concern. If he can't trust her after three years, it just ain't gonna happen. I say get your stuff together and find a place of your own. There is the possibility that moving out could serve as a "wake up call" to him. If it does wake him up, insist on counseling to deal with the insecurity issues and then see what happens. If he comes running back DO NOT MOVE BACK IN. Insist on counseling first to see if he can mature. Blurred pictures 5/19/04 Q: Hi Jim, my name is Donnette. I love taking pictures of my family and all our activities. But I am still such a beginner. I have a Canon Rebel SLR but my really cool new toy is my Canon Digital Rebel. I want to take pictures of my son Zack's football games. He is on Varsity so his games take place at night. I tried using my digital but got lots of blurry pictures once the action got moving. If the boys were in a huddle or on the line I got really nice pictures. I have a 300MM lens so I can get close in on the action. I have a monopod and a tripod also. I know the dinky flash is part of my problem because even though my lens will reach the boys the flash will not. Do you have any suggestions? I just leave my camera setting on the little green box to let the camera do the work. What should I do differently? Thanks for your time and your help. -Donnette A: Switch to Program mode ( P ) when shooting in the low light conditions you describe. Change the film speed equivalent, AKA ISO sensitivity, to 800 or 1600. That may allow fast enough shutter speeds to prevent burring under the artificial lights. There is a trade-off in image quality when using those settings. The images will have more noise or false color specks, especially noticeable in dark areas of the image. Write back and let me know if this helps. Digital Photography Advice Q: Hi Jim, Being fairly new to the digital photography world, I have perhaps a silly question! Do memory cards wear out? Does the quality of the images ever become compromised as the card gets overwritten and overwritten? Also I just wanted to say that a few months ago you answered my question and turned me onto a website, photo.net. It has been great. Thanks again! Carrie A: IMHO the biggest threat to the life of Compact Flash type digital camera memory cards is dirt, sand etc. If debris enters the tiny contact holes, damage to the contacts in the card and contact pins in the camera can result. Remove the memory cards from the camera only when its really necessary and never at the beach. Always transport digital camera memory cards in their protective cases. (when not in the camera, of course.) Static electricity could possibly ruin a memory card. Magnetic fields from things like speakers, might corrupt data on memory cards. Keep a back-up card available, just in case. Read this entire page about digital image file archiving (not related to flash memory)  As far as losing image quality with extended use, I doubt it. That's the beauty of digital. Your images are stored as numbers and code. As long as the numbers and code get recorded accurately each time, image quality should remain constant. Visit www.howstuffworks.com and search for "digital camera" and "flash memory" for more details. Thanks for writing and thanks for saying thanks! Marry Me 2/04/04 Q: Hi Jim, I just came across your site by a bit of an accident but I'm most happy I did. I am 20 years old and my boyfriend is 24 we've been together for like 2 years now. I want to ask him to marry me could you please give me some advise on what to do. As a woman is it wrong for me to be the one to ask? I am deeply in love with him and I know he feels the same too. Oh and one more thing do I have to get a ring? THANK U VERY MUCH, MISS WANT TO KNOW A: Go for it! Why not? If you've been dating for two years, that's long enough. It's time to make a plan or move on. A ring or some other token of your sincerity would be appropriate. He might not take you seriously (since a woman doing the asking is not common.) Before getting down on one knee, tell him your are completely serious with what you are about to ask. You'd feel terrible if he laughed. Prepare yourself in advance for him to say no. If he does say no, at least you'll know where you stand. Write back and let us know the outcome. I don't think we'll be hearing back from you. My guess is, you don't have the nerve to ask! Good luck. Thanks for writing. Relationship Advice - Short Leashes 10/02/03 Q: Hi, I'm 17 turning 18 soon. My boyfriend turned 18 two days ago. We've been going out for 2 years now. One day before our anniversary he talks to me and tells me that he wants to be friends for now because he has alot if stuff to deal with and the relationship is too stressful. I agree with his reasons but I don't understand why he can't be with me if he loves me. We have a very honest and deep relationship. We keep each other in short leashes and I think now that he's getting older he realizes that he's still young and he wants to have his freedom. He says he doesn't want to lose me and that he loves me. I'm lonely and I have problems too and I need comfort. I don't need any space I need a boyfriend to be there for me. I still love him with all my heart and I know he does too. But what should I do? Should I wait for him, stand by him anyways? I don't know what to do! Q: Dogs don't like leashes, especially two-legged dogs. They'd rather run free. All joking aside, one of the ways people grow is learning to adapt to change. In my opinion, going separate ways would be a change for the better for BOTH of you. It sounds like you need him too much, maybe drawing too much from him. Needing someone is not the same as loving them. Read the previous two sentences a second time. Don't wait for him. That will leave you disappointed. Strive to be independent, self-sufficient. Most important, don't let your happiness hinge on the approval of others. At 17, the world is at your feet. It's likely you have a million things to be thankful for. Right now though, you only feel the rejection. I believe you have the capacity to lift yourself above this minor bump in the road. The attitude you choose in dealing with this, is your choice. Make the smart choice. Seek out new friends. Find new ways to occupy your time. Cultivate your hobbies, blah blah blah. When just about every relationship breaks off, there's can be feelings of hurt, rejection, sadness etc,etc,etc. Most of the time, people get through it. Sometime they learn that their former partner was not the best one for them. In time, they learn that the relationship fell apart for all the right reasons. To sum up. Unleash the dog. Let him run out the gate. Smile... then close the gate behind him. New Carreer Advice 9/16/03 Q: Jim, I just came across your website...Some great photo's. Recently I became a victim of our bad economy and downsizing. I would like to move from "work" to enjoying what I do everyday (so what else is new?). I have been into photography since I was a kid and have some wonderful photo's to show for it. Still use my Rollei 35 I got in high school as well as my Contax. My second love is flying. I hold a private pilot glider rating as well as single engine land. Most of my flying has been in gliders.... I enjoy it much better. Real men don't use engines! Now my question: Do you know of any schools that offer courses in aerial photography that I might check out? The tougher question is, is it possible to make a full time profession doing it? Your thoughts and comments are welcome. Thanks for your time! Elliot B. Lancaster, PA A: I doubt that there are many schools offering aerial photography courses. It seems there wouldn't be enough people interested in one area at any given time. It could be that the quickest and most economical way to learn about aerial photography would be buying this book. I have hired an airplane on two occasions just for the purpose of taking aerial photographs. I did learn a few things and can offer some tips. · For the sharpest images, find an airplane that allows you to open the window. · Fly when the weather is clear, low humidity. Early morning is often best. · Use a fast enough shutter speed to prevent blurred pictures, airplanes can have high vibration. Being a great photographer is one thing. Making money through photography is something else. The ability to market your photographs and photography services is much more crucial than the ability to take good photographs, if you plan to make any money that is. I suggest that you make aerial photography your hobby before you try to make it your career. A good way to learn something is just go out and do it. Let's say there is a large company or a large factory located in the area that you fly. The people who run these places have lots of money to throw around. They like to impress their customers. Shoot several photograph of the facilities, have the best one enlarged (at least 11x14) and elegantly framed. Tape your business card to the back. Take the framed photograph to the president of the facility and offer to sell it to him for reasonable fee. If he buys it, you've become a professional aerial photographer. If he won't to buy it, offer to donated it to the company as long as they'll display it in a prominent place. Fasten a small engraved tag to the frame, "Elliot's Aerials." Now, you have an advertisement in place. There are many aerial photographers who have sites on the Web. Contact them for some first-hand knowledge. Good luck and thanks for writing. I absolutely hate Q: Hello. My name is Mary and I am 18 years old. I have been dating a guy for over 2 years now. He is going to be 21 this coming December and his older sister has decided to take him to Las Vegas for his birthday. My boyfriend just told me tonight that his older sister wants to take him to all the strip clubs while they are there, and of course he has agreed to it. Problem is, he is a hypocrite and has told me he would be very upset with me if I would ever do the same. Not just that, but his sister knows I don't approve. My problem is not just that, but that I absolutely hate my boyfriend's sister. This is not the first thing she has done knowing I will be mad, it seems like she is always out to frustrate me. Do I talk to my boyfriend about it, or are there any other solutions? I need your help. Thank you for your time. A: Lets address your question, "are there any other solutions?" People will always do things we perceive as wrong. Whether or not they are right or wrong, can sometimes be less important than how we react to the situation. Especially, if we react with "absolute hate", as you say. When we get angry, the anger has a way of making us feel right, even when we are dead wrong. You indicated the your boyfriend's sister is out to frustrate you. Consider this. If she does something and you choose to become angry, does that make her wrong...just because it angers you? Maybe, just maybe, you get mad too often or too easily. If we always allow situations to take control of our emotions, we can never be in control of ourselves. I don't want to sound hypocritical. There are too many times when anger and impatience get the best of me. I'm working on it. Certainly, there are times when anger is crucial for our survival, if we are being physically attacked for example. In those cases anger can be beneficial. In most cases though, anger and resentment eat away at us. Little by little. Don't waste any more time worrying about this trip to Vegas. It might never occur. Thanks for writing. Fooled Around - Relationship advice Q: My names Justin, I've been with my girlfriend for about 3 months now. Everything was going great until she told me she fooled around with this guy at work before she went out with me. Now, that wouldn't typically be a problem, except for when she tells me how hot and adorable he is. And I recently discovered that he always has his hands all over her, tickling, hugging,ect and she does nothing to stop his behavior. When I visit her at work they dont even look at each other, all the touching takes place when I am not there. I told her that I want to talk to him, but she doesn't want me to. I thing she likes the attention shes getting from him. Am I in the right to be angry with her, what should I do, please help. A: No, you are not in the right to be angry. This anger will only have a negative effect on you. Tell your girl friend she can play with her co-worker all she wants, because you're moving on. Don't even look back! Over-exposed Q: Jim, I am using a Canon D60 Digital Camera (now replaced with the Canon 10D) and was trying to take a longer exposed picture for taking water. Similar to the one waterfall / stream on the web site. I used to take these with my regular canon camera using Fujichrome Velvia 50 speed film and no problem. For some reason the pictures are way over exposed. They come out completely white. I took it for 4 seconds. I tried setting it to ISO 200,400,800 and 1000 and still did not get any better. I also changed the aperture setting using the whole scale and no luck. Is there anything I have to change as far as setting go. It seems that digital cameras are a lot different in many ways. Sometimes unpredictable. I am going to Hawaii in a few weeks and wanted to get some good longer exposed waterfall pictures during the middle of the day. Any suggestions would help. I live in Phoenix, AZ but grew up most of my life on Wakefield, MA Thanks,Glen A: Glen, you can't leave the shutter open for 4 seconds on a bright day and expect a good exposure. As mentioned on my photography tips page, SLR cameras get the right exposure by controling the duration and intensity of light striking the film or in your case the image sensor. When your camera is in any of it's auto modes, as you lengthen the shutter times, the camera compensates by closing the iris in the lens, called the F stop. Once the iris, or diaphragm in the lens closes to it's smallest possible opening, it can no longer compensate. Here are my suggestions for getting waterfall photos. Use of slow shutter speeds may require waiting for reduced light situations (heavy shade or overcast, after sunset etc. ) or the use of a neutral density filter. Mount your camera on a tripod. Use slow film or a slow film speed setting on a digital camera . Select shutter priority mode "Tv" and select a shutter speed of 1/4 or slower. Experiment. Keep an eye on what happens to the f stop setting as you change shutter speeds. Once your f stop reaches it's smallest opening, (on many lenses that's f/22) you can't slow the shutter more without over exposing. Your camera should indicate over-exposure (sometimes a flashing icon) somewhere, if you're about to over-expose.  This 30 second exposure (impossible without a tripod) was made long after sunset. Auto-levels ajustment in Photoshop and increased color saturation made the lighting look more like daylight. Relationship Advice Q: Hi Jim. I've been dating a guy only for a short period of time. He only works a job that is a weekend part time position, so he basically makes no money. He always asked me for money, or to buy him or cigarettes, or to use my car, or to use my cell phone. He says that he feels I'm the one he will spend the rest of his life with and that he will support me when he finds a good job and we grow old together. I love him so much but can't help feeling that I'm being taken advantage of. I broke up with him and now feel absolutely lousy even though I don't have to worry about spending my money anymore. Is love worth taking a risk and being unselfish with my money? Am I just being stingy or do I have a right to be? Confused but in love.... A: You absolutely did the right thing by dumping this moocher. Don't doubt yourself. Don't waste one minute feeling sorry for him or yourself. Do you think he would have stuck with you if you said "no" to his requests for money? Self-reliance is character trait well worth seeking in a partner. An honorable man does not mooch from his girlfriend. Don't make the same mistake again! Dating for 5 Years Q: I am 25 and my boyfriend is 28. We have been dating for 5 years. Everything has been great up till the past 9 months. I started feeling like he has been cheating on me with his co-worker who is 40. He says that she is just a friend and a really kind person, but she will do anything for him- lend him $, give him things, make him lunch, etc. Then just recently, knowing this is wrong, I logged into his email and saw email's back and forth between him and her and one of them from him to her said something along the lines of him being intimate with her. I am crushed. I love him so much. What do I do? Tell him I saw his email's?? I can't! And, I have never meet the lady but, a 40 year old?!! its so bazaar. Please help. A: You've been dating for 5 years and you mentioned no sign of long term commitment. No Engagement ring, no Hope Chest. Now you suspect he's being unfaithful. Whether or not he is being unfaithful...determine what your long term goals are. Do you want to marry this guy? What are his long term plans? Is he the marrying type? After dating for 5 years you should know these things about each other. Talk to your friends and family members. Sometimes an older sister can have worthwhile insight into these types of things. If being married (to him or anyone) is part of your plan, it looks as if this guy is not the best prospect. Did you want me to tell you how you could phase out this other woman and get your relationship back on track? Maybe the best way to phase out the other woman, is to phase out your boyfriend. You will survive without him. Please write back in a while and let us know how things panned out. As always, reader's comments are welcome. Cut my Losses 3/3/03 Jim, I have been in a live in relationship with my boyfriend for just over 2 years now. Each year in winter he is unable to work due to the inclement weather. Last year he purchased a new vehicle in his name for me. I have made the payments and insurance payments as well as maintained all of his regular bills and mine while he is out of work from the end of October until mid-March. We have done nothing but fight during his out-of-work periods. Our sex life isn't much to be said. Should I stay in this relationship and continue to help him financially or cut my losses now? A: Perhaps there is something about your character that fits you together with a man like this. If you get rid of him, would you soon hook up with someone else who's similar to him? Determine how you need to change to prevent relationships like this from developing. Learn how to say NO! Don't expect him to change. You're his enabler. If you weren't providing, he'd have to get off his duff and earn some money, year round, or find a different enabler. So thoughtful of him to purchase a vehicle in his name... for you... and let you pay for it. The vehicle may be his legally if you two go separate ways. Yet another great example of why I'm not an advocate of "live in" relationships. Live in learn! Thanks for writing. Pursuing it 2/20/03 Q: Hi Jim... I'm 27 and divorced, but semi-dating my ex-husband. We have been trying for 8 years to make a go of our relationship. He left for US Marine Boot Camp a few weeks ago and he is not allowed to talk to anyone, only write. I have a neighbor who is very attractive and with whom I get along really well with. He has a gf who lives a few hours away and they have been dating for 4 or 5 years. The other night he and I got fairly intimate, but did not have sexual intercourse. He is obviously attracted to me, and me him. I know it's wrong for both of us to do this to the other two people involved, but I can't help thinking that we were supposed to meet. Should I let him pursue it if he wants to, or should I pursue it? We both truly do love our significant others, but the chemistry between us (and not just sexually) is so wonderful, I can't help but feel like we're passing up something that we should investigate further. Thanks for your advice... A: You asked " should I let him pursue it..." or should I pursue it?" Either way, you sound determined to get together again with this "very attractive" neighbor. Is the relationship with your ex worth saving? How would you feel if he wrote from boot camp and told you he met a woman he found very attractive and had great chemistry with? Hopefully, he won't ship out to Iraq. On a different note...Would your neighbor dump his girl for you? Would you even expect him to? Nobody likes to be betrayed. What if she makes a surprise visit while you two are "pursuing it"? Crimes of passion are common. Does she pack a Colt Defender in her purse? Who knows? ...just a few things to think about before you "investigate further." Thanks for writing. 2/7/03 Q: I'm 34 and my girlfriend is 24, we've been together going on 3 yrs now. The first 2 were pretty good,but when we moved in together she changed into different person the communication has never been the greatest but now it's even less! She has said that this has been the best relationship she has ever experienced, but she won't open up! Recently she has been taking meds to calm her depression but if she doesn't take them she is very angry and hostile. Sex was good in the beginning now not often if at all. I love her very much, but the guessing is driving me CRAZY!!!! What should I do? A: You said the relationship was good until you moved in. Move out! 2/2/03 Q: I am twenty two years old, living away at school part of the year, and at home during the summer. How do I (or should I) tell my extremely conservative parents about my new tattoo? A: I think you should tell them ASAP. I would guess they'd be more disappointed in you deceiving them, than they would be about the tattoo. I'm sure they'll want to know why you did it. Why did you? 1/29/03 Q: Hey Jim, I am a 32-year-old single woman who seems to be in a rut. For the last year and a half I have been dating a married but separated man. He promised me that he was going to get a divorce. First, it was May 02, then Dec 02, and now March 03. At this time, I don't have children, but would like to in the near future. He keeps telling me that a divorce is very expensive. Considering, the fact that he is in the military he would lose some financial and medical benefits. At least Thats what he is telling me. Now with the possibility of the US going to war he maybe leaving to go overseas. This would be the second time since we have been dating each other. I waited the first time and was very understanding and supportive considering his marital/military situation. Since his return in March 02 he hasn't kept any of his promises. Now he wants me to wait another 6-9 until he returns from overseas. Lately, I've been very depressed. It seem that all of my friends are married, getting married, starting families, buying homes and more. I'm still working 2 jobs trying to make ends meet. It would be so nice to be in a relationship with someone who was willing to work with me and build a future. Do you think I'm wasting my time, hoping that one-day things will change? Losing Hope A: In a nutshell, yes! Don't loose hope though. Someday you will change so that you won't find yourself in relationships like this. 1/14/03 Q:There was a question on your site from someone whose computer got fried from a lightning strike that went through the cable modem. They sell special surge protectors where you can run a cable in & out, and thus theoretically protect you from lightning without having to disconnect everything when a storm comes. I have one of those, and it also has connections for phone lines in & out. I dig your site by the way. Matt A: Thanks for writing Matt. The question you refer to is further down on this page. I've seen surge protectors but did not notice any for 75 ohm coaxial cable. I'll keep my eye out for one. If the maker of these devices offered a warranty against damage from lightning, I'd buy one. For now, I'll continue to unplug my cable modem when thunderstorms approach. 12/26/02 Q: Dear Jim, I am about to be 20, my "significant other" 21. We have been dating on and off for a little more than 3 years. However, I attend college 3-4 hours away from where he lives. We are not currently "technically" together because of the distance. I understand that we are young and need time to meet other people and do things for ourselves, however, sometimes I feel that not being together while being in love is detrimental to both of us. I date other people but it never works out because they are not him, and he doesn't date at all. When I bring up getting back together he says that we are still young and that we are a long term thing and that if its meant to be it will work out. His main argument is that it is too hard for him to continue dating long distance because he is too insecure to handle the fact that I go out often and am friends with many other men. When we are together over breaks it is fabulous. I have a great time and want to see him ever more, but it is getting to the point where leaving is hard and I just wish that either we could be together or break up for good so that I can move on with my education, career, and life. Your advice to others is so great I thought I would give it a try. Please help. Thank you so much. ~confused and running out of patience! A: You've confused me. After reading your message I'm not sure who wants to end the relationship, you or him. The only way I can make an assessment is to read between the lines. You said " I wish that either we could be together or break up for good so that I can move on with my education, career, and life." That tells me you feel as though he's holding you back. Do you feel guilty because you date and he doesn't? You also said " not being together while being in love is detrimental to both of us." I sense that you don't really love this guy but continue the relationship because you're comfortable with him. Of course, this is all conjecture on my part. Ironically, my answer to the previous question has some relevance here too. 12/17/02 Off to College Q: My girlfriend and I have been going out for 2 years. I'm 19 and she's 17. We are both happy with each other and love each other very much. We talked about her going to college when she gets out of high school and I'm all for it but when I talk about going with her she says she doesn't know if she'd want to have to be with me 24/7. She says shed still wants to be boyfriend and girlfriend but that she just wants to go out and experience the world. What I tell her is that after not being with each other for a certain amount of time you start to drift and end up getting closer to someone else. I see it that way because I have had a long distance relationship before and it didn't work out. I don't see why if we've been going out this long why we have to separate. Why can't I experience the world with her? I just don't think that a relationship should be a long long distance one because then its pointless. To me when you have someone you care about you should be with them and spend time with them (not necessarily 24/7, but with them). Not just talking on a phone. I'm not planning on marring her anytime soon I just don't see how you can make a relationship work when you're not there. What my question is am I being selfish or should she take into consideration what I'm saying? A: If she wants to go off to college, let her go & without you. She's made it clear how she feels. In my opinion, the more you need her, the less she will want you. That's not to say if you need her less, she will want you more. You must gain the self-confidence to be OK without her. I guess you could say you're being selfish, most men are to some degree, at least until they've had time or a reason to grow out of it. That is usually a life-long process. With each new change comes an opportunity to grow. Don't miss the opportunity. In the meantime, don't get all jammed up. Go with the flow Joe. At 17, she must still be in high school and who knows what the future will bring? 11/05/02 Jealous boyfriend - Relationship Advice Q: hi...I am Susan, 19, from California. My problem is that my boyfriend is overly jealous. He reads my e-mails, get suspicious of my male friends and questions about everything I do. I love him very much and plan to marry this man (he is 24). I think I'll end up in the nut house though if it's going to be like this forever! HELP! A: Susan, you are wise to foresee ending up in the nut house. You may have been joking but it's no joke. If you think that he will be less jealous after you exchange vows, you're wrong! We could get into why he is overly jealous, but that would be pointless. It's you who is writing for advice. You see something wrong with the situation. Trust your gut feelings. Hypothetically, ask yourself, what would he do if he found out you were seeing someone else? Would he do something irrational? Would you be in fear of him? If you are trustworthy, you deserve someone who trusts you. Understand that excessive jealousy, possessiveness and exerting control is NOT a sign of love. The fact that you are writing to me is a RED FLAG. PLEASE SEE IT! Confide in someone close to you about this; parents, an older sister or better yet an older brother! Someone you trust. At the end of your message you yelled, HELP! Someday you could be yelling help and nobody will hear. Am I overreacting? Too dramatic? Maybe. Maybe not. Let's get some responses from readers on this one. The following is a response sent in by a reader on 12/4/02: Here's my opinion, keeping in mind that I'm an outsider looking in. (And you definitely touched on some great points Jim). A) He's insecure with himself. Until he can be secure with himself, the two of you shouldn't be committing yourselves to marriage. It will only punish both of you and marriage should not be a punishment. You should not be in charge of making him secure with himself, only he can do that. B) Most likely it will only get worse after you are married. It might start with the male friends, then trickle down to what are you doing with your girl friends, then what are you doing with family members, etc., etc. C) Have you heard good things about prison life?? Sounds like you might be condemning yourself to something close to that (yes that's extreme, but think about losing ALL your friends, family, etc.) D) Seek counseling, that is if you really think the relationship is worth saving. If he isn't willing to go, then that tells you A LOT about him. If he really and truly loves you, he will do whatever it takes to make YOU comfortable and YOU will understand what makes him comfortable and why he acts the way he does. E) Another point, and don't get me wrong on this, but what is it exactly you do with your "male friends"? Are you hanging out with them at all hours of the night? Are you flirting with them? I'm not trying to accuse you of anything or give him an excuse, but is there another side of the story that isn't presented here? Is it possible that he is concerned about you and/or interested in what you are doing? This DOES NOT excuse him from reading your emails. That is just plain WRONG. Again, this is why counseling might be a good thing, you could establish boundaries and "vent" about what is bothering both of you. Just some things to think about. 10/27/02 Q: Hello, I would appreciate your advice. I have a girlfriend, and we have been together for over 15 months now. Recently she has been quite insistent that we take a break away from one another so that we can enjoy our "young days", because as she keeps reminding me "we are only young once". She is 17 and I am 18. We have a very good relationship and love each other very much, but currently all I can think about if we "take a break" is her being with (and sleeping with) other guys and also the fact that, although she insists we will get back together "one day", she'll just find someone who's better (looking) and nicer etc.... and will never want me back. If it is of any use to you i am a very serious rugby player in England, and this does take up a lot of my time, but I still have plenty for my girlfriend, and I truly enjoy the time she gives me, because there is no better way I can find to relax than with her... Anyway, I'd appreciate any advice that you could give me. Thank you in advance! A: My advice is, let her go and don't expect her back. She's not your possession. You WILL survive without her. Besides, if you need to convince her to stay with you, what does that say? Look at the bright side. You'll soon find someone else who makes her pale by comparison. At your age it's best not to be wrapped up in one person for too long. Cold Feet 6/8/02 Q: I'm getting married on July 20, 2002. We've been together for 2 years, and we grew up together. He's 21 and I'm 18. Some people say this is too young. I've had a few partners, and I've been in love once before. I clearly love this man, but sometimes I find myself asking "is this the guy I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with?" Is this normal, or do I just have 'cold feet'? Please give me some advice, I'm extremely confused. I'm wondering if there is some answer out there for me that I just don't see because of my age and inexperience, or at least that's how my family makes me feel. A: If your feet are cold, try thicker socks. Just kidding. I can't advise you not to get married but consider the following. From my perspective, 18 does seem a bit young to tie the knot. I think people change considerably and learn quite a bit about themselves and the world as they progress through their twenties. I believe it's good learning experience for a young person to live on their own, out from under their parents roof for a while, before getting married. Certainly, that's not always possible, considering the cost. It's probably common for those about about to get married to have doubts. Your family knows you well so any advice they have should be given careful consideration. If the man does not meet your expectations then don't be afraid to put on the brakes. Hopefully, readers will write (before July 20th) with comments and advice for you. When they do, I'll post it here. Thanks for writing and good luck with whatever you decide. Write back with an update if you get the urge. A reader sent the following, with which I agree: Jim, Regarding the young woman who is about to get married at age 18. If she is asking herself questions now, she would be wise to wait. What would it hurt to wait? In two years she will be twenty, regardless if she's married or not. Why not wait a couple of years to see if he is really "Mr. Right." Another point, if you tell someone not to marry, especially at age 18, they will marry to prove you wrong. I have seen too often people getting married for reasons such as wanting to get away from their parents, insecurity, afraid of being alone, money, etc.,etc. I would also suggest some premarital counseling, through a church or a counselor to make sure they at least agree on "the big stuff," i.e. child rearing, finances, etc. A divorce is much more difficult and possibly more expensive than postponing a wedding Get A Job 4/25/02 Q: How does one get a job in the photo industry? I've been trying but no luck. Any advice or could you give me places to look. I'm including my resume. I mainly did production,worked with the Qss machines. But would love to do darkroom work,black and white,color okay. Assist in studio setting. I really want to learn ALL the ins and outs of this industry. I don't have a darkroom at my finger tips, or alot of equipment. I only have a 35mm and a old 2 1/4 camera. It really doesn't matter what I do, just that I am doing what I love. Any suggestions or comments or help you could give me that would be great! Thanks for your help. A: Keep in mind, I've never really looked for work in the photo industry. Most of the photography work I've done has come through my Web site. People saw my photography and then hired me to make images for them. I can offer some tips on finding employment in general. Don't look in the Help Wanted section. I would guess that most worthwhile job openings get filled without advertising. Find the place you want to work and offer them your valuable skills. Here is what I suggest. Print 10 copies of your resume on good quality paper. Find your telephone book and open it to the yellow pages. Find 10 or more local photography studios or labs that do the type of work that interests you. Dress yourself in attractive clothing and visit these businesses in person. Bring a portfolio along if it would apply. (It wouldn't hurt to have an on-line portfolio.) Tell them the type of work you're seeking and ask if you can present your resume to someone who does the hiring. It's likely that most will tell you "we're not hiring right now." Be prepared for that and ask if you can leave a resume just the same. Then move on to the next on your list. Eventually, you'll get hired. If wedding photography interests you, contact local wedding photographers to ask if they need an assistant or intern. You could volunteer your help free, to learn the trade. You could always read a few books on the subject. There are several factors to consider when applying for a job aside from doing the type of work you enjoy. Location for example. Nobody needs a long commute right? Of course pay and benefits are important but flexible working hours and a clean and safe working environment should be considered also. Photography is an extremely varied field. Good luck. Write back to let us know the outcome. 3/11/02 Q: Why is an automobile 'dash board' called a dash board? Why not a control panel,or instrument panel? Think you can answer that one? Of course, I'll be looking elsewhere for the answer, but I was told that you can answer ANY question. Well, I'm about to find out if that's true. Thanks for trying, at least. A:Who told you I can answer any question? It's just not true. The term was coined prior to automobiles. When dashing through the snow in a one horse open sleigh, a "dash board" prevented mud and snow from flying off the horses hooves and going where it shouldn't. 2/28/02 Q: Jim, I will be leaving for Vegas in a week. Where can I get a Saugus sweat shirt to wear in Vegas? A: Have one custom made at Superior Stitch 338 Central Street, Saugus, MA (rear RR tracks) (781) 231-2640 Tell Ken Jim sent you. Auto repair advice 10/22/01 Q:Hi Jim, I came across your site after searching so far and wide for answers. I just acquired a 1978 MERCEDES 450 SEL (European model) , I am looking for any information I can get . Pictures, books, repair manuals, etc. I have done all kinds of searches and have come up dead in the water. If you truly enjoy a good challenge, here it is. Thanks in advance, I look forward to your answer. TED A: Click here Ted. 8/23/2001 Q: Dear Jim, I enjoyed reading your questions and answers. I have a problem with my soon to be 4 year old daughter. I separated from her father 8 months ago and we both started into immediate relationships with other people. My daughter is a very loving girl and happy. The problem is she is scared of my boyfriend. He is a very kind man and feels very hurt that she cries when he visits. She sits beside of me on the opposite side of him and won't let me go. I have been to a counselor and he thinks that she is afraid of her security with me. Do you have any suggestions that would "break the ice" with my boyfriend and my daughter? A: Have you asked your daughter why she is afraid of this man? It's possible she's afraid simply because he reaffirms the loss of her father. She may feel her father is being replaced. Try putting yourself in her shoes. On the other hand, sometimes children have innate good judgment of character. Time will tell. It sounds like she's not had the chance to get to know him and have fun with the two of you. Do the three of you do fun things together or does he just come over to... visit? Breaking the ice is not the most important thing here. I'm sure your relationship with your daughter is more important to you than your relationship with this man. Otherwise you would not be writing. Demonstrate everyday that she is the number one person in your life. 8/9/01 Q: Jim I recently heard of a case, where a friend of mine lost a cable modem due to lightning. How can we prevent this from happening ? e A: Same thing happened to my cable modem. It wasn't a direct lightning strike but there were many strikes in the area. Henceforth, I'll be disconnecting the incoming cable wire and the power cord from my cable modem at the first sign of a thunderstorm and before leaving on vacations. Unplugging all computer equipment before electrical storms is a good idea. 7/25/01 Q: I am trying to open a file on a floppy disc and the computer is saying the disc is not formatted. I have been using this disc for weeks with no problems. Whats wrong? A: First, try accessing a different floppy to assure the problem is not your disk drive. Floppy drives accumulate dust especially when a disk is left in them continuously, holding the dust door open. Dust can cause read/write problems. I had a floppy drive which would not read and after blowing the dust out, it worked fine. For more info visit Howstuffworks "How Floppy Disk Drives Work" Since you get a format error I suspect your disk has bit the dust. No pun intended. Floppy disks are not immune to failure. All sorts of things can contribute to their demise. Sometimes, they just wear out. Magnetic fields can alter the arrangement of the magnetic particles in the disk which store your data. If you set floppy disks near your computer speakers that could make disks fail. Most speakers have powerful magnets inside. Monitors also generate magnetic fields. When saving important data to floppy disk, a second or third copy on a different disks is recommended. Alternate between disks each time you back-up files. Always use high quality recordable media. I recommend TDK products for superior quality. Bargain brands should be avoided at all cost, pun intended. I learned that lesson the hard way about 9 years ago. I bought some floppy disks cheap. Many of them failed. 7/15/01 Q: My problem is very typical of a 16 year-old boy. I go to my sister's house about 4 times a week. Next to my sister lives a 15 girl named Holly. Holly and I have never been close, in fact we were just formally introduced last month. The more time I spend with her, the more time I want to spend with her. I can't stop thinking about her. I've never been the most attractive, smartest, funniest, or most charming guy, but my sister told me that Holly has had somewhat of a crush on me for the past year. I'm not sure if I should use that as a basis to ask Holly out, or if I should just let it go. I noticed that you always give straight-forward advice, and refrain from using one's 'need' of another person to justify anything. I won't say that I love this girl, but I am definitely interested in getting to know her better. Any suggestions as to how I go about this? A: Let Holly know you like her. When you say good-bye to her, you might tell her you look forward to seeing her again. If you want to get to know her better, suggest doing something fun together. It doesn't have to be a formal "date." Something simple like a bike ride or a trip to the ice-cream store might go well. Good luck and have fun. 6/18/01 Q:Hi Jim: I am going to Alaska in a couple weeks. Do you have any tips for photographing the following: snow capped mountains, glaciers, ice bergs, whales? Any tips for photographing from a small plane and helicopter? Thanks very much for your help. Beth A: Once upon a time, I hired a single engine airplane (at the rate of $100.00 per hour) to photograph my hometown. The window opened to allow unobstructed photography. If you can't facilitate an open window in Alaska, see about cleaning the windows you'll be shooting through. Shoot as close to the window as possible to avoid reflections. Avoid putting the lens agains the window so as not to transfer the planes vibration to your camera. Include the interior of the aircraft in a few of your images but don't blind the pilot with your flash. Nobody wants a blind pilot! Don't be afraid to ask the pilot to go where you want for the best angle. The worst he could say is, "Sorry, traffic into Logan has been diverted and we gotta get out of this area." Another point, while on photography flights, take the camera away from your eye once in a while and simply be in the moment. Enjoy defying gravity. Film speed will be a consideration too since fast film will allow the fast shutter speeds and and small apertures you want but remember, fast film, 400 and especially 800, will not be best for poster size enlargements. About photographing snow, glaciers, icebergs etc. A camera's light meter is often fooled by white, highly reflective snow (when snow fills a significant portion of the viewfinder) and white snow will often appear gray in the resulting images. Over expose snow from 1 to 3 stops depending on brightness, sunshine etc. If you find yourself upon a once in a lifetime image, bracketing your exposures is always a good idea. Submit your question in the forum at Photo.net. You may get responses there from many photographers. Good luck and enjoy your trip. 6/11/01 Q: hi my name is nick and their is this girl who i have been in love with for 4 and a half years now i tell her all the time but she always just tells me to shut up now we are good friends still and i talk to her all the time but when ever i bring that up she freaks and i just feel like i want to be close to her but she just wont listen i plan to ask her out with in the next few days what do you suggest i do i have given her some time between the last time i asked her its been about a half a year since i have asked or brought up anything about us... but i need her i feel i cant live with out her and i need some advice on what to do fast. what do you think i should do i am 16 right now and so is she but i know what love is and it is very strong i know i wish she could just understand how i really feel and just give me a chance please let me know what you think that i should do thank you.. sincerely nick A: Nick, you said, " I need her I feel I cant live with out her". Therein lies the whole problem. Needing someone is not the same as loving them. She doesn't want you to have an excessive need for her. At your age the desire to relate with a girl you care about is healthy. On the other hand, to become obsessed with one person is not to your advantage. Think about it Nick. Your whole world seems to revolve around this girl, who tells you to shut up. I don't mean to be rude but& snap out of it! Rise above this. If you grow to become a confident, complete individual and you have good character and values, then you will attract a woman who appreciates an honorable man. In the meantime, don't beg like a dog for any girl to accept you romantically. You are the master of your destiny Nick. The decisions you make, about what is most important, will determine your future. 5/11/01 Q: I saw on photo.net your picture "New York City at night from Empire State Building" that seems to be taken with tripods and I have a question to ask you. I will soon visit New York, and I want to take some pictures by night from the top of the Empire State Building with my tripods. Could you tell me if you had some problems using tripods on the top of the Empire State ? I've been told that it is a quite small place to deploy a tripod without bothering the other tourists that walk close to you. Are tripods authorized by default on the Empire State, or do I need to obtain any authorization ? Thank you for your help. A: Look at the the second picture down on this page. You'll see the wire fence with diamond shaped openings. I placed the camera lens barrel into that opening and used the fence to steady the camera, bracing it against corner of the diamond shape with both hands. If you do this, you might want your camera strap around your neck so you don't drop it off the building. The picture has a lack of sharpness due to supporting it this way. I almost didn't publish the photo because it is a bit fuzzy. I think I exposed for 10 seconds at F8. I only took three or four shots that night. I should have taken 15 or 20 and I would have had a better chance to get a really good one. I don't get up there often. I found the following on the Official Empire State Building Web site in the frequently asked questions section. "We do not encourage the use of tripods, but there is a form you can complete if you want to use a tripod. The form will be given to you when you arrive." Unless you can place your tripod very close to the wire, the wire might interfere with your images. It might be a good idea to bring a small and large tripod. Better yet, a device that would clamp to the fence posts and support you camera. Thanks for writing and if you want to see more of my images check out Saugus Photos Online or my folder at Photo.net. 5/10/01 Q: Hello Jim I ran across your site accidentally. Can't believe I'm even writing to you. It's just that I really liked the advice I've seen you give to other people! You sound like a very wise man. I have a sixteen year old daughter who has really started acting up! She's a good child all in all, but she seems to have NO respect for me whatsoever anymore. We used to be so very close. 3 1/2 years ago one of my other daughters took my 5 year old to a country fair. She begged me to let her take her. So I did.. On the way back to the house they were in a horrible car crash. The girl that was driving was responsible, not my daughter. My sweet little 5 year old was killed. Now my sixteen year old treats me like I'm nothing to her. I've tried to get her into counseling, but she refuses to go. And I'm sure I'd be arrested if I bodily threw her into the car to make her go! Do you have any suggestions? I know she loves me. She's just torn apart. And I wasn't much of a Mom to her or any of my daughters after my baby's death. Not for at least a year. I also had to take care of my daughter who was involved in the wreck. She was in a hospital bed in our home for about 2 months. So I didn't have much time for my other children. All I could do was cry. I know I let all of them down horribly. I don't know how to make up for it. I still cry, but now I try to hide it from everyone. If you have any suggestions, they would be greatly appreciated! Thank you. A: Please understand that I am not trained in dealing with things like this. I advise you to seek the assistance of people who have experience helping with these matters. I can not imagine the horror, pain and trauma of losing a child. Eric Clapton lost a young son in an accident. He wrote a song called "Tears in Heaven." I did not loose a child and just those lyrics can bring me to tears. You did loose a child. If anyone has a right to cry, it's you. It's unfortunate that you need to hide your tears. Seems to me that sharing your grief with people who care about you would be helpful. I found a Web page where people shared their loss of loved ones via the Internet. I'm not suggesting that would be the best route for you. There must be lots of resources available for grief counseling and parental support. Have you taken advantage of any? It couldn't hurt and it's not too late. You said, "I know I let all of them down horribly. I don't know how to make up for it." Maybe there is no need to make up for it. You certainly can do things to improve your relationship with your children. You can start by forgiving yourself. Is it possible that she blames you for your death of her sister? Do you blame yourself? It might help to make plans to spend time with the 16 year old, maybe a weekend away, just the two of you. Repairing a damaged relationship takes creativity and continued effort. If you make it your first priority, you should see results. Keep in mind that sixteen can be a difficult age... even when things are going good! If readers write with more advice for you, I'll post it here. I had hoped to write a more profound reply but this is the best I can do. Thanks for writing. The following was submitted by a reader as follow-up. Jim, in response to the woman who didn't know how to deal with her 16 yr old's acting out after the death of her 5 yr old, I'm not a psychologist but I've had training in counseling and I have a bachelor's in social work. I worked in Human Services for 8 years, several years in a Crisis Stabilization Program and later as a Program Director in a residence for mentally ill adults. It sounds to me like the mother's guilt (for what she feels she couldn't give her kids after the death of the 5 yr old) is keeping her from dealing fully with her grief and from helping her children deal with their grief. Often when there is a death in the family, children (both younger and older) become very sensitive to the moods of parents. A father isn't mentioned, so if she's a single parent, the focus on her as the only parent would be intense. It's common for children to refrain from mentioning any problems they may be having in dealing with a tragedy of this sort, in order to spare their mother any more pain. When parents don't open up verbally, kids revert to the senses they used when they were babies, much more readily than we do as adults. They hone in on the non-verbal clues and act accordingly. I would venture to say that a whole lot needs to be brought out into the open by ALL members of that family, not just the 16 year old, and it needs to be done as a group. They need to be able to share their feelings with each other before they can function as a family unit again. Family counseling may be less threatening because it signals that the mother recognizes that they all shared that loss and they all need to find a way to heal and move to a healthier place. 4/30/01 Q:Hi Jim, A friend of mine and I were recently discussing roadside diners in the area, and were trying to remember the exact location of the Monarch Diner. I'm thinking that it was either on Rt. 1 southbound, near the miniature golf course & batting cages, or near the Blue Star Bar. I know that when I used to drive for the old Saugus Yellow Cab, we used to pick up passengers there. Although my friend is a life-long resident of Saugus, I have lived out of state for nearly 11 years, only able to visit on occasion. Thank you for this website, which I think is great! --and for the opportunity to ask you our question. Sincerely, Bill Foster A: There may have been a Puritan Diner in the area. Check out: Dinercity.com. Found this page searching Alstavista.com for "Monarch Diner". After mentioning your question to a longtime Saugus resident, I was told there was a Monarch Diner in town. Relationship Advice 3/29/01 Q:Hi Jim, My name is **** *******, 16 years old, and I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He moved away for two months to Missouri, and now he's back. For some reason we're not as close ya know. He seems to be to busy for me, and doesn't ever call me as much. Were really tight, and love each other VERY much. When I'm with him, I'm complete, and when I'm not, I'm empty, and for the last couple of days I've felt empty inside. I get jealous when he's out with his friends, or he talks to other girls, but who wouldn't knowing that all the girls wish they could have him. I don't know what to do. I love him sooo much, and I don't want to lose him, but it always seems like I work hard to save out relationship, and he just waits there to see what happens. I'm tired of waiting around for when its convenient for him to come around, what do you think I should do???? Thanks for your time, and if you don't reply, I totally understand. Thanks a bunch A: Don't wait around for him. Move forward with your life. The more adaptable you become, the better off you'll be. Change provides an opportunity to grow. Understand that your happiness and sense of well being should not hinge upon the acceptance of other people. Especially this guy who "all the girls wish they could have." At 16, you are young and still unfolding. Don't limit yourself. You have your youth, health and much to be thankful for. We're only provided with one trip through this life. Make the best of it. Relationship Advice Q: 2/4/01 Jim, I am 15 and I have been going out with a 14 year old girl for about 2 months. I do everything I can to show her how much I love her and I really do love her... I have written her poems, sent her roses, etc... everything I can think of. Do you have any suggestions on what I could do or say to her to show her I love her? I would like all of your ideas. Thank you very much. Sean A: OK Sean, More than anything else, show her and the rest of the world patience. The American Heritage® Dictionary says "patient" is: "1. Bearing or enduring pain, difficulty, provocation, or annoyance with calmness." "5.Capable of calmly awaiting an outcome or result; not hasty or impulsive." If we could accomplish that, most everything else should fall into place. It's possible that if you have lots of patience she won't like you. But then, you'll be better off. Sean, your attitude and actions speak louder than poems or flowers. Q: 1/15/01 Hi, Two years ago (1999) my family moved to New Zealand from South Africa, and here we met another family that came from South Africa that came here the same time as us. They had a daughter, the same age as me, which I didn't give much attention to in the beginning. We sort of became friends later on that year. The following year (2000) she start going out with a kiwi guy and that's when I started liking her, I told her how much I liked her and it came out that she has liked me ever since the year before. While she was still going out with this guy we did spend a lot of time together and she even kissed me one day. When the day came that she left the guy she told me she just wants to be friends and that she doesn't want to commit herself now to a relationship. Thats where I felt that spending all this time with her I bored her with my presence. I asked her what was going to happen and that shes going to have to make her mind. We didnt speak for a while, but after that everything went back and were still friends, but even now she doesnt even pay a lot of attention to me. She use to want to go bike riding in the mornings and now she hardly ever calls. She seems sad sometimes and I wish I can help her and be the one there for her. What can I do to make her find her interest in me again like the first year and give me a chance to have a relationship with her? I really like her and I want her to feel about me like she did and not be subdued like she is now. I hope you can help me, please. Frederick A: That one kiss she gave you got you all stirred up Fred. Let's get right to the point. There is NOTHING you can do to make her want to be your girlfriend...sorry if I sound harsh. The more you want (or need) her, the less attractive you'll be. Feelings she had a while back are gone. If you waste too much time wanting her, you might regret it later. Whatever you do, don't go to extremes to convince her to be your girlfriend. Don't become a stalker. Rejection hurts but you have the power within you to overcome that hurt. Avoid becoming angry at her or feeling sorry for yourself. When I was about 14 or 15, there was a girl we hung out with who I liked for a long time. She was always going out with someone else and never had a romantic interest in me but we were friends. Occasionally, when her boyfriend wasn't around, and she was ready to go home she'd ask, "Who wants to walk me home?" I would be willing. To her, I was just a good friend. But was crazy about her. There were other girls around at the time who did have a romantic interest in me but I barely noticed. I wish someone had been there to tell me, "Hey Jim, wake up! Don't spend all your time chasing Leslie. Take note of those more available girls." So Frederick, my advice to you is keep your eyes open wide so that you won't miss opportunities with other girls as they become available. Certainly, this is not the advice you wanted but it's the best I can do based on my experience. Thanks for writing and good luck. Follow up: Hi Jim I just want to thank you for your advice, it really meant a lot to me and I shall follow it - thank you very much. Kind Regards Frederick 12/16/00 Q: Dear Jim, I am a single mom of a beautiful 4 year old girl, she is my whole life. When her father and I were together he was the one that was so excited about having a little baby, I on the other hand wasn't I had my whole life ahead of me still, I wasn't ready to be a mom. But I became one real fast and now I wouldn't take that back for anything. But when My daughter was a year and a half old her father and I broke up, at first she was to young for it to bother her. Her dad still saw her every once in a while and he also gave me child support every once in a while. Then I don't know what happened we started hearing from him less and less, and stopped receiving money. The moral of the story is my four year old is devastated and hurt by what her father has done to her. He doesn't even care, he never sees her any more, he doesn't call her he basically has disowned her. My daughter cries about her daddy every day wanting to see him, at night she looks at pictures of him and listens to Butterfly Kisses. She asks me why he doesn't love her or want to see her. She thinks it is my fault she doesn't see him, for the simple fact that he has made her believe that. When its not me I wanted my daughter to have a father I never tried to keep them a part. I don't know what to do I can't make him see her or love her and yet I can't make her understand. He screws with her head he calls maybe at the most every 4 months and makes her promises he doesn't keep and makes her love him even more each time. How can anybody be so cruel, for a person that couldn't wait to have a baby where is he now? How do I make my daughter see that this is not her fault, or mine and that it is his loss not hers. She is even starting to have behavioral problems because of it now that she is getting older. Anyways I'm sure you get the idea. Can you please help me to help my daughter deal with not having a father around. Any books that would help or web sites would also be greatly appreciated. Hope you can help. A: A disappointing father can be devastating, especially for a young girl. I'm am not trained in dealing with troubled children and I cannot offer advice on how to help her deal with this. If she seems depressed, maybe you should seek the help of a family counselor. Look in your local telephone book. It's important for your daughter's well being that you deal with her fathers irresponsibility in a proper way. The way you react to this man will certainly affect the way she feels. The tone of your message seems to indicate that you are angry and resentful. If you could learn to overcome those feelings it would help both you and your daughter. "Resentment is a cup of poison you pour for someone else but you drink it yourself." (I'm not sure of the origin of that quote. I'll put credit here if anyone knows its source.) Here are a few things you might consider doing: Make sure the guy knows how much his daughter wants to be with him. Give your daughter her father's phone number so she can call him. Try to help facilitate the two of them spending time together. Assure that this man is forced to consistently pay adequate child support. Don't blame all of your daughter's problems on what her father fails to do. Stay aware of the attitude you project about this man, your daughter is learning from you! 12/3/00 Q: Dear Jim, I've just come across your site and I must say I'm impressed with the advice you give. Basically, my question is, how can I get my boyfriend of over 3 years back. It's been 6 months since we broke up, and I've spent most of that time convincing myself that we weren't meant to be together. However, I am over that stage now and have regained a sense of emotional stability. I just feel very strongly that we should at least give it another try. Unfortunately, the few times that I have spoken with him since our breakup, he's seemed cold and distant. I know the man that loved me dearly is still in there somewhere, I just need to know how to get him back. I am not without my own ideas of how to approach this situation. However, they're more like games than sincere approaches. It just makes me upset because when a guy wants his girl back, he is encouraged to just go and get her. However, when a girl wants her man back, she's considered weak and is not encouraged to make any effort in getting him back. I've been reading a lot of Cosmo and Glamour, but all that is superficial advice. I feel I need honest advice from a man's point of view. Just to give you a little more background, my ex and I had a healthy relationship. He's a very focused and driven individual. I realize he needs time, but I also can't just sit around waiting for him to contact me. I feel as though I should make a move. However, it can't be a move that would scare him even further away. If you were in this situation, is there anything a woman could do to persuade you to come back to her? I apologize for this lengthy approach at getting some advice, but I just felt as though enough information should be supplied in order to make an informed decision in terms of what advice would apply to this particular situation. A: OK, you say you want to make a move to get your man back but don't want to drive him further off. Send him a postcard, (preferably postmarked from an exotic location) not a letter. Make it very brief with only two or three sentences. State only facts. Be sure to exclude any emotion. It could read something like, "Dear John, Enjoyed the time we had together and would like us to be together again. If it's not possible, that's OK. I promise I won't bother you again. Sincerely, Sue." He might throw the postcard in the trash or he might tack it to a bulletin board for future reference. Who knows? A more worthwhile goal would be to strive to be OK without him. What good would your relationship be if you have to convince him to get back together with you? You said he is driven and focused. What is he focused on? Are you attracted to his ambition? I would not want to be described as driven. Cars and nails should be driven, not people. After getting to know a few more men, odds are very good that you'll find some who is a much better partner for you than this guy could ever be. Have faith! 11/25/00 Q: Jim, I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 19 we have been together for about 3 months and we really care A LOT about each other. I have 2 questions for you and hopefully you can answer them. First of all, What should I get Shawn for Christmas? He is really into motorcycles and four wheelers and stuff like that. He has a 1996 Lowrider truck. I hope that is enough information about him to help you help me. Secondly, like I said we both really care a lot about each other but we are both scared that we are gonna lose the other. Why are we scared and what should we do to help it? Please Help! Q: To answer your first question I'll use the same answer I used further down on this page. "I suggest you make something or customize a gift with your own hands. Consider a crafts project or a collage. If you buy him a gift, you could customize it to give it a more personal touch. Whatever he gets, don't worry about it. Don't try too hard to please him. If he's a smart guy, the gifts you give or don't give him won't change his opinion of you." Now for the second question about being scared of losing each other. Could it be that you've become too dependent on each other and lack self-confidence? Don't spend so much time with each other. I'll bet both of you spend very little time with other friends. Relationships work best when each person has the capacity to stand alone, firmly on his or her own two feet, without an inordinate need for the other. It might work out well if you do lose each other. People's values often change considerably as they age through their 20's. Someone who you think is wonderful when you're 16 might seem not so great if your values change as you mature. 11/25/00 Q: I have an old Pentium 200, and also I a Pentium II 400, and I was wondering how I can transfer data from my old computer onto my new computer's hard drive? cheers gizz A: There are a few ways. You could network the computers together (which might not be worth it) or transfer the smaller files via floppy disk. If you have a CD-RW drive you could use that by switching it between machines. Address books, e-mail, Bookmarks/Favorites, buddy lists etc. in Netscape and Microsoft Outlook Express can be transferred using the import/ export utilities. They can be found by clicking file then import or export. E-mail address books for example can be saved to a floppy disk as a .csv file and then imported into a different e-mail program. Another option, set up the hard drive from the old computer in the new computer as a slave drive then copy the files to the new drive. If you've got a ton of data to transfer this could be your best option. If you do this, don't even try to run programs on the slave drive that were installed on it prior to the switch. Those programs are configured to run from the operating system on the slave drive and your system will be running from the operating system on the master drive. 11/8/00 Q: We just got a pontiac sunbird 2000 4 cyl. 1.8L engine, 84 model , and when we drive in town it's fine, but when we get on the highway where the speed limit is faster when go to slow down the transmission does not shift down and the car jerks and dies. then when we crank it again to put it in drive, as soon as it hits reverse gear it jerks and dies. what do you think the problem might be? A: The car is 17 years old. Junk it! 11/7/00 Q: Hi Jim...I'm 42 years old with 2 children ages 12 & 13. I met ***** 2 + years ago and we fell in love. He is so kind with a huge heart and makes me happy in so many ways but...he is an alcoholic. I've "disciplined" him, so to speak into changing some of his drinking habits and although it has improved, he tries to "get away with it whenever possible". He has been on disability due to an injury that occurred 7 years ago. He is able to work and has been given opportunities through State Funded Programs but he continues to procrastinate to the point where I feel he just doesn't want to work and that it's never going to happen. Although he talks about how much he hates NOT having a job, he does nothing to change. He's his own worst enemy, he sits around and thinks and dwells to the point incapacitation. He is 37 years old. He lives with his mom and brother but stays with me all the time. His disability is not enough to pay much of anything and he DOES NOT NEED TO BE ON IT! How can I tell him to go back home and when he gets on his own two feet to give me a call without sending him back into a drunk who has no hopes or dreams at all. I keep thinking he is right on the edge of pulling it together... but I've thought that for over a year. He says t | |
