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Four Week Challenge #2: I want your help
I have several ideas for this upcoming four week challenge, and want your help or ideas on what to do for the next challenge. I was originally going to do it on budgeting, but could not create some aggressive and outlandish goals to achieve. Thus, the consideration would be that the challenge would be on educating myself to better understand budgeting, and by the end of the challenge to have a strict and valuable budgeting process created and implemented. What do you think of this kind of “process-based” (as opposed to “goal-based”) challenge?Here are some other ideas: - Adhering to a strict sleep schedule every single day, including weekends. - Sincerely and significantly compliment someone every single day. - Recording, analyzing, and reframing assumptions that are made every single day. Such as “that guy that just cut me off is a jerk.” Reframing it to “Well, maybe he’s on his way to the hospital, in which case, I’m happy to let him in.” I’ve actually done this one and it resulted in my overall happiness increasing dramatically. I would be willing to refine it even more for the sake of the readers here and for my own benefit as well. - Creating a list of “28 things to get done” and getting a new one done each day. This would be to begin creating a small habit of not allowing loose ends to stay loose, and creating a habit of getting things done.I have some other good challenges that will push anyone’s limits, but with my travel schedule this month and due to a pending move, I am wanting to hold off on some of those.So, that said, what do you think? Are there any others that you think I should consider?
Posted on: July 3, 2007Category: Four Week Challenges | 2 Comments
Rethinking Persuasion and Influence
Have you ever changed your mind about something after someone has tried to persuade you to change your mind that way? Especially when they go on to later say how they changed your mind, but you know that they didn’t persuade you, you changed your own mind?Or how about this: have you ever believed so confidently that you persuaded someone, but they insisted that they changed their own mind?What both of these situations are indicative of is the fact that, as conscious beings, change happens from within. Change is a decision that we decide to make, not what others tell us to make.Newton’s first law of motion which states that “an object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.” The same can be said about our mind, that our mind does not consider changing unless acted upon by an unbalanced, external force - typically observing a situation and acknowledging our feelings about it.Therefore, when you think you are powerless, feel that you have no choice in a situation, or if think you are in a situation that you do not want to be in, realize that you think and feel about your situation because you have chosen to do so.Likewise, when you feel happy about something, think positively about a situation, or even how you perceive of your own self, that this is also a choice.If we have determined that the choice to change or believe what we want is ultimately ours to make, but that we only make a change when initiated by an external force, we begin to understand how important it is for us to observe the world around us and to recognize that if we truly wish to change that it must be our decision to first allow for ourselves to change.Thus, we realize that persuasion does not exist. We cannot persuade someone to do anything, and no one can persuade us to do anything. After all, change is the choice of the individual…If that’s the case, then what are we talking about when we talk about persuasion?When we talk about persuasion and influence, what we are really talking about is the process of discovering what is relevant and important to someone else and altering our message to resonate with those priorities. The hope is that they will see this new reality as more beneficial to their life, and thus, make their own decision to change.Next time you’re trying to get someone to see your viewpoint, consider this principle. Take the time to find out what is important to them with the issue at hand, and reconstruct your message in those terms.
Posted on: July 3, 2007Category: Power, Influence, Persuasion, Beliefs, Philosophy, Psychology | 1 Comment
Four Week Challenge #01: Rapid Muscle Growth, Final Results
This post will wrap up the progress and results for the Four Week Challenge.Click here for an explanation of the Four Week Challenges.Click here for Part 1, and an overview, of this Four Week Challenge.Click here for Part 2 of this Four Week Challenge.Click here for Part 3 of this Four Week Challenge.Click here for Part 4 of this Four Week Challenge.Last Week’s ProgressA week ago, I planned three rock climbing trips over a period of 12 days. The first of those trips was last weekend, so instead of being worn out and sore for the first rock climbing trip of a series, I decided to drop that workout. Given that one of my goals was to remain consistent with this for four consecutive weeks and my priority of rock climbing, I don’t feel bad about it. I got from it what I wanted to, and the sacrifice is well justified given my priorities.On Tuesday, I did maintain incremental progress with my weight lifting.And now, onto what you’re waiting for…The ResultsI have made public all of the data I collected during this project. This includes every exercise, nutrition consumption, and fitness measurements for every day of the experiment. Click here to download the spreadsheet.Body Fat PercentageWhile I had originally been recording my body fat percentage with body fat calipers, I was getting very inconsistent results and decided to stop recording it halfway through.It should be noted, however, that visibly, my body fat percentage has significantly decreased. If I had to guess based on some rough measurements, it would be in the range of 2-4%.Body WeightMy actual body weight went from 159.5 to 157.5 pounds. In the first two weeks, I was seeing significant decreases before actually increasing in mass. As my body fat percentage decreased, I’m assuming that muscle mass increased.That said, I really wish I had gone for hydrostatic measurements for body fat percentage and hospital body weight measurements.Body MeasurementsMy greatest increases were:Shoulders: Increase of 1.75 inchesChest: Increase of 1.56 inchesBiceps: Increase of 1 inch.Exercise ImprovementsWhile I certainly didn’t gain 34 pounds of muscle mass like Tim Ferriss, I actually saw much greater progress here than I had realistically imagined.From 06/05/2006 to 06/26/2007…Alternating Pullover: From a ‘broken’ set of ten with 15 pounds to a full 10 reps at 30 pounds.45 Degree Prone Curl: From a two sets of 5 reps at 15 pounds to 10.5 reps at 30 pounds.Flyes: From 12 reps at 25 pounds to 15 reps at 35 pounds.What You Can Learn From ThisIf you’ve started on your own regimen and stick with it, you’ve already taken the biggest and most important step toward improving your health.While I certainly didn’t eat poorly before starting the diet (extremely high protein + carb reduction), merely recording the nutritional information of everything I ate made me so much more aware of what and how I was eating before. While I don’t expect to continue as strictly as I have been, I do know that my diet has forever changed. I feel like I have a lot more energy and I’ve also seen that with greater amounts of protein, I can gain muscle mass. Others seem to be reporting similar experiences.As an experiment, why not record the nutritional information of what you’re eating every day? You may be surprised.While I’ve often developed a habit of rock climbing regularly, 2-3 times a week, sticking to an exercise regimen has always escaped me. Perhaps because it’s not “fun” like climbing is, perhaps I’m merely avoiding the short-term pain. Whatever it is, I’ve never stuck to one like I have this one. What I’ve learned is what it actually takes to stick with a difficult workout regimen for an hour a day, two days a week.I’ve also learned the positive benefits of what can be gained through the short-term pain. Having been through it and having a much more real point of view, I’ve begun developing a climbing-specific regimen incorporating exercises as well as climbing “drills.” Without this experiment, I never would have been able to design something like this.What are you trying to accomplish with your own physical fitness? Do you know, based on significant and accurate experience, the best way to design a system suited to you and your need? If you “think you know” because of research, or what someone told you, or because of a “common wisdom”, and haven’t actually stuck to something like this, you’re just blowing smoke up your own……… You get the point.SummarySo, 34 pounds of muscle weren’t gained. 4% body fat probably wasn’t lost.This means that either there’s something significant missing from Tim Ferriss’s account, or that some people are more conducive to gaining muscle mass.I honestly don’t know which it would be. Perhaps it’s both.All was not a loss, however. Significant knowledge and experience was gained, which is the purpose of these experiments. I now know what’s needed to gain muscle mass. I now know what it’s like to stick with an intense diet and exercise regimen for a single month - I know I can do it and if I need to do it again, I can…heck, I could do it for longer if I really decided it was worth it. I’ve also been able to push my body in ways that I don’t get from climbing - this led to a great climbing trip this past weekend in which I felt stronger in more ways than ever before.So, as final words: If you sincerely wish to make a change in your health, research different exercise and diet plans and try them for one month. It might not be the final solution, but what matters is that you know what your capabilities are and what kind of progress is realistic for you.And in that, there’s nothing that is more powerful.I wish you the best of luck.
Posted on: July 2, 2007Category: Muscle Growth, Health & Fitness, Four Week Challenges | Leave a Comment
How to Construct a Congruent and Powerful Presence
When a stunningly beautiful woman walks into a bar, what is it about her that you notice?When a trashy woman walks into a bar, what is it about her that you notice?When you’re making a sales pitch to a room full of people, without them talking, can you tell who the decision maker is? How?In each of these situations, we make interpretations about each person based on the person’s presence. Despite the cliche’s of common courtesy, we are being judgmental We are making assumptions. And we might be wrong, but we do it anyway.Judgment HappensActually, it’s not a bad thing. Malcolm Gladwell’s Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking showed us that these snap judgments we make can actually be more accurate than our own rationalized thoughts. Passing judgment, it can also be argued, may also be a deeply ingrained self-defense mechanism in human behavior, and thus, at some levels, is necessary for survival.Regardless of how you feel about passing judgment, the bottom line is that judgment happens. You do it, and others do it too.By understanding what factors lead to passing judgment, we then have the ability to choose if we want to initiate change in our own behavior for the sake of accelerating progress toward our goals.What Leads Us to Create Our JudgmentsNext time you’re out at a restaurant, the grocery store, your office, a bar, wherever, take notice of people and the presences they have. Really take a moment to take each person in and come to your own conclusions about this person.When you do so, you might find yourself evaluating the following things:Their posture when still; sitting, standing, leaning.Their vocal intonations; rising, falling, low/high pitch.Their vocal cadence; speaking slowly, quickly, or alternating depending on the purpose.How they respond; defensive, anxious, approval-seeking, condescending, helpful.How they “move”; confident, sexy, purposeful, timid.How they present themselves; stylish, casual, conservative, outlandish.These are all considerations, especially how people respond to situations, in which we will base our assessments of someone.Reflecting on the people that you seem to be drawn to, for whatever reason, what is it about them that you are drawn to? What are their actions and traits of their presence that help you to most firmly define how you feel about them?What assumptions are you making about their inner self, based on these traits?Some examples might include:If they speak slowly with a low intonation, then they are probably calm and collected, allowing them to direct their life rather than be directed by their life.If they consistently react defensively/offensively, then they are probably insecure with themselves and obtain personal value through comparisons with others.If their vocal cadence is fast with high intonation, seemingly scatterbrained, and outlandishly dressed, then they are probably not very directed internally.If you feel uncomfortable about making assessments like this about other people you may or may not know, what about it makes you uncomfortable? What kind of person would feel uncomfortable making these assessments in an exercise?Creating Our Own PresenceWhen asking yourself questions like this, only then will you be able to construct your own presence in the way that you wish to be interpreted.If you wish to be known as an eccentric artsy type, you may want to dress a bit frivolously, accentuate emotional responses, and move more loosely through your day. If you wish to be interpreted as a powerful businessman, you may wish to dress with confidence, use a slower and lower cadence and intonation in your voice, and respond to situations with the slightest of delays indicative of a confidence void of anxiety. If you want people to think you’re a rock star….well…that’s a whole other story.Some people may read this and declare that constructing your dress, voice, and actions would be a form of lying; inaccurately portraying yourself to the world.To that, I suggest you heed this warning: that if your presentation is not congruent with your inner-self, then it will show. Your change will most be noticed to those who are, and have been, closest to you. If this makes you feel uncomfortable, that discomfort will be seen and your message will be interpreted in a way that you likely will not want. With full congruence of yourself, both outwardly and inwardly, it will be noticed by your self and others, and will be readily accepted.I will also say that everything you do now has been learned. The presence carried by those you admire has been learned by them as well. You have changed in the past, you are currently changing now, and you will change in the future. That change can either happen under the initiation of your own direction or by external influence.It’s your choice.As a final note, I encourage you to play with various presences and identities. Do so at bars, clubs, in the office, running errands, whatever. Notice how you feel and how people respond to you in each situation and deconstruct why those responses were had.
Posted on: June 28, 2007Category: Relationships, Attraction, Reframing Reality, Growth & Development, Psychology, Beliefs, Sociology | Leave a Comment
Book Review: The Dip, by Seth Godin
I read this book last Tuesday night, the day after making the decision to continue pursuing the diet and fitness regimen after struggling with how to move forward with it for three days.Little did I know, this book had the answer that I would discover through that process.Overview: The Dip, by Seth GodinIn short, The Dip proclaims itself as a book that will teach you “When to Quit (and When to Stick)”.In his masterfully poignant style (quick and to the point…I read it in one sitting), he addresses the question we all have when the going gets tough: Do we keep forging along, or is it time to give up? His argument is that, despite the “never give up” values in society, quitting can actually be a good thing.Let me correct that; Knowing when to quit is a great skill, as is knowing when to forge ahead.Noting Chris Anderson’s The Long Tail: Why the Future of Business Is Selling Less of More , he gives proof that the market leaders consistently outperform the competition by orders of magnitude. Being the market leader, is a must.He goes on to show you how to recognize when the time is right for quitting and when the time is right to forge along.For me, this was both timely and relevant, given my internal struggle with how to move forward with the current Four Week challenge. This book couldn’t have done a better job at reinforcing my decision to stick with my plan.The Real Message of The DipBut, I don’t think that the real message about The Dip is about when to keep going and when to quit.Too often, we decide to quit. This is why there are market leaders with such great upsides, because the rest have given up.Instead, I think that what Seth is really getting at is this:There is significant upside in being able to see the long-term value of our efforts. By basing our decisions and actions on the long-term potential, rather than the short-term difficulties, we are able to move more effectively toward our goals.This is the single greatest value of goal setting. When we practice being real with our expectations and understanding of our abilities, we immediately become significantly more effective.This wasn’t a book about how to quit.Its lesson lies in how to succeed.
Posted on: June 26, 2007Category: Success, Business, Book Reviews, Goal Setting | Leave a Comment
FWC#01, Part 4: Rapid Muscle Growth, Day 22 of 28
This is the second part of a four part series of this month’s Four Week Challenge.Click here for an explanation of the Four Week Challenges.Click here for Part 1, and an overview, of this Four Week Challenge.Click here for Part 2 of this Four Week Challenge.Click here for Part 3 of this Four Week Challenge.This Week’s UpdateNothing major to note this week. I continued with my exercises last Tuesday and Friday and stuck with my diet as well. As I mentioned last week, I was going to bring my weight down a touch and increase reps, which I did. I also saw a continued increase in weight lifted from Tuesday to Friday.Since neither my weight, measurements, or lifting ability made noteworthy progress, I’ll end this post here and complete a full writeup of my thoughts next Monday.
Posted on: June 26, 2007Category: Muscle Growth, Health & Fitness, Four Week Challenges | Leave a Comment
New Weekly Topic: Creating Attraction with Women
It was a Thursday night, the last night of our weeklong trip to Los Angeles to get familiar with various areas and neighborhoods in order to see where we wanted to live. We were at the Bodega Wine Bar in Santa Monica, recapping the week and generally getting ourselves excited for our move out West.For those who’ve never been, the Bodega Wine Bar carries itself with a confidence that lacks arrogance. Its design is relaxed, but stylish, combining sleek lines with natural textures and a red glow that rests onto the street in front of its entrance. It’s the kind of bar where you meet a new friend or girlfriend, not because people are seeking it out, but because those are the kinds of people that would be there - people you’d want to spend time with.She wasn’t particularly stand-out attractive, but she was cute. Her figure certainly wasn’t that of the stereotypical LA model/actress, but she wasn’t overweight. She wasn’t dressed well, but was relaxed in her jeans and t-shirt.Anyone would have sized her up as an average girl. But, on this night, out of all of the beautiful women in this bar, I found her the most attractive.She had truthful eyes and the kind of smile that you couldn’t help but return. Her posture was firm, not rigid, and captured the essence of comfort. She commanded a presence at the table among her friends and was animated, just enough to be captivating, when she spoke.I leaned in to my friend to speak over the music, pointed out the girl and said:“There’s nothing particularly stand-out attractive about her, but I can’t help but be attracted to her.The problem is, I’ll never speak to her.”Creating Attraction: Defying Conventional WisdomJust like when you take up a new sport or skill, you will observe a master in awe of their talent. Their abilities seem unreal, yet you know it to be possible; and with that end in sight, you begin your journey to discover what you don’t know that you don’t know.That night, I was almost finished reading about Neil Strauss’s journey from awkward virgin to one of the most successful pickup artists in the world. In reading The Game , I realized that a new reality had been presented before me which rejected conventional wisdom: increasing the chances of a girl being attracted to you can be learned.Despite several long-term relationships, for me, something was missing. I told my friend that truly understanding women (as much as possible) was a part of my life that I wanted to get under control.I leaned back toward my friend and said:“I don’t want to sleep with a lot of women, that’s not my goal. What I want is the choice to be with the kind of woman that I want to be with.And I’m going to figure it out.”Attraction is Not a ChoiceAnd that’s the story of how it started for me.It’s been a long and intense journey that will never be over or complete. While I certainly do not claim to be an expert in creating attraction, I’ve learned a tremendous amount along the way. It is information about how to create attraction and understanding women that I want to share with you to help you gain more control and success in this important part of your life.To answer any questions about studying different methods such as David DeAngelo, The Mystery Method, Ross Jeffries/NLP, Neil Strauss, etc, I leave you with this quote by the great Ralph Waldo Emerson:“Without ambition one starts nothing. Without work one finishes nothing. The prize will not be sent to you. You have to win it. The man who knows how will always have a job. The man who also knows why will always be his boss. As to methods there may be a million and then some, but principles are few. The man who grasps principles can successfully select his own methods. The man who tries methods, ignoring principles, is sure to have trouble.”
Posted on: June 24, 2007Category: Pickup, Attraction, Relationships, Dating, Stories, Women | Leave a Comment
FWC#01, Part 3: Rapid Muscle Growth, Day 15 of 28
This update for this particular Four Week Challenge may end up being the most crucial of all five final parts, even though it’s only the third post.The reason is because I hit a psychological roadblock during Friday’s workout that caused me to re-evaluate the entire challenge.I’m going to give you the story, then provide the overview and analysis at the end. I’m going into detail with my particular experience the past few days. If you’re not used to working out frequently like this, or even if you are, I would imagine that you’ll encounter the same issue that I have.My response may not be correct, but the process of it and the story leading up to it will hopefully provide you with additional insight should you run into the same situation.Finally, you deserve a straightforward response and as much information about my experience as possible. This is why you and I are both here.And if you really want to skip the story and get right down to the insight, go to the section heading that says “Results So Far”.What Happened on Friday: 3 Key MistakesMy first mistake on Friday was that I went rock climbing right before working out. Now, I had done this in the first week as well, without a problem, so I assumed that there would be no problem here. I was, in fact, wrong. By the time I got to working out, I was so exhausted from climbing that I lost almost all motivation to work out.The second mistake on Friday was that I allowed myself to get psyched out. I dragged my feet to actually work out, let my body slow down after climbing, and therefore once I started working out, I wasn’t doing as well as I had hoped and lost further motivation.My third mistake was that I focused more on the amount I was lifting, rather than the quality of the actual exercise. I got so stoked and wrapped up in the idea/goal of doubling my lifting weight in less than two weeks, that I lost focus and pushed too hard. I did have pain in my shoulders in the workout Friday, and it continues to persist today.Fourth: I stopped my workout just over halfway through.My Re-Evaluation of the ChallengeAt this point, I became incredibly disenchanted by the experience and decided to spend some time re-evaluating it, which I did throughout the entire weekend.First, I had to figure out why I felt the way that I did.I had set an interim goal of doubling my weight on that Friday. I missed it. Failure response ensued.I began experiencing pain in my shoulders.The consistency and lack of variety with the diet was beginning to wear thin on me.I wasn’t experiencing the one pound a day increase that I had seen several reports about.I have been feeling considerably more tired and have slept a lot more than usual. I attribute this to an adjustment away from caffeine combined with a significant reduction of carbohydrate intake.I wasn’t seeing a measurable decrease in body fat percentage, while I was able to see it visually.The inconsistency of body fat percentage measurement became annoying in its apparent inaccuracy. I also became unsure of my possibly inconsistent tape-measurement practices. This being the case, I had already seen ways to improve the project, making me want to set those in motion immediately.Due to the long rest periods and schedule, it was keeping me from progressing in rock climbing.All of this added up and culminated in a sustained moment of frustration and questioning.On Saturday, having figured out why I felt like possibly giving up, I told myself to stop being so rash about the situation and start figuring out what I was going to do about it.I decided that these were my options.Stop the challenge altogether.Modify the program for the last two weeks based on my learnings.Continue with the challenge as-is.Continue with the challenge and re-evaluate my beliefs.Option #1 was a knee-jerk reaction, but was certainly a choice. I didn’t want to stop, but I knew something had to change.Option #2 was valid, but because of my goal to stick with this as-is for four weeks was my #1 goal, I wanted to continue exploring other options.Option #3 was apparent, but what unsettled me about it was that I knew my head wouldn’t be in it if something didn’t change about it. If my head wasn’t in it, I would be wasting my time and yours, and certainly wouldn’t get the results I was looking for.Option #4 is what I ultimately settled on. To be honest, I wasn’t sure how I was going to make changes to it while preserving the integrity of the experiment, but knew that it could be done.Changes I’ve Made to the ChallengeNow, the challenge isn’t actually changing, the way that I’m looking at it, is.Each of the reasons that I felt unsure about moving forward boiled down to three core areas: Rock climbing, nutrition, and physical strength goals.I didn’t want to stop climbing, and still wanted to improve it. This obviously conflicted.The diet was keeping me away from my daily dose of Starbucks, contributing to me losing energy through the day, and became quite boring. For someone who’s so fascinated by trying new foods that they gained 10 pounds in 10 days on a trip to Europe, this is a considerable concern.Not only was I not seeing the physical gains I wanted to see, but I also missed that interim goal I had set.It was time to reframe and reprioritize.At the realistic advice of a friend, I decided to significantly reduce my focus on climbing. If I feel like I can climb and it won’t interfere with the challenge, fine. However, I only see that possibly being the case on Mondays. That said, I will likely not be climbing for the next two weeks. In the meantime, I have decided that I will spend the next two weeks studying climbing videos and designing a climbing-specific workout and setting up my rock climbing wall to assist with it.With regards to the consistency of the diet, I can stick to it for another two weeks, though I will be trying to find additional ways to vary it. On Saturdays, I’m going to go even more nuts with my diet. I don’t know exactly what that means yet, but I said it.Finally, I decided I need to look at my workouts differently. I got arrogant with my gains the first week and a half, and began placing unrealistic expectations on the second half of it. I also lost focus of my goals and my purpose: to reduce my body fat and gain muscle mass. I’m doing that, and can be doing it better by being less anxious.What I mean by “being less anxious” is not in relation to my end goals, but my intermediate goals and immediate results. By wanting to double my lift weight after 12 days, my focus was switched to lifting a lot of weight. My exercises got sloppy, and I began to lack confidence in my progress.Moving forward, I’m going to drop the weight a bit and instead of aiming for 7-10 reps, I’m going to focus on 12-15 reps. I found that the sets I did with 12-15 reps felt like a LOT better workout than 7-10 reps. I’ll also be taking out the bench press exercises and replacing them with a regular bench press. In addition, I may make some other slight modifications. In the end, I’ll document the changes here for you.Results So FarThere isn’t any major progress to update here, but I should note the following:Weight on Monday am was 158.5. Again, with inconsistent body fat measurement, I can’t say with 100% accuracy if that’s an increase in muscle mass and by how much. Visually, I look stronger. I can tell that my chest, shoulders and arms are definitely bigger and more toned. Thus, I would imagine that despite an initial body weight of 159.5, that a significant amount (5-7 pounds?) of body fat has been lost and has been replaced with one pound less of muscle.I ended up gaining 3/4″-1″ in my upper arm from two weeks ago to today.I’ve gained almost three inches around my shoulders. I actually thought I might have to cut off a small shirt I put on in the middle of my Friday workout because I almost wasn’t able to get it off. It was awkward.Insights/Advice for Others Considering this ChallengeStick to the plan, and stick through it. Despite missing a small goal, the reality is that the “setback” I faced was mostly due letting my expectations get out of hand. Keep your expectations leveled. Despite not getting the maximum results, I can definitely say the results are tremendous thus far and far greater than anything else I’ve tried.Focus on a weight amount that will let you get 12-15 good, solid, consistent reps. You’ll get much more of a workout than seeing how much you can lift and limiting yourself to 7-10 reps. The only thing this probably doesn’t apply to is abs. I just don’t have a solution for that yet.If you’re going on this plan to help you with another area of physical activity (like I’m doing this to help with my rock climbing), you may have to put it on hiatus. In this case, I really do believe that after I’m done with this regimen, that I’ll be better shape to perform at a higher level, faster, with climbing. It’ll just have to wait a bit.
Posted on: June 18, 2007Category: Muscle Growth, Health & Fitness, Four Week Challenges | Leave a Comment
Your Girlfriend’s/Wife’s Emotional Needs
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear… “You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?”I then said “honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.=============A friend found that priceless story and passed it along to me. I couldn’t resist sharing it with you.
Posted on: June 18, 2007Category: Stories, Funny | 1 Comment
Useless Junk; Overcoming Materialism and Clutter to Improve Creativity and Reduce Stress.
On a whim, I decided several months ago to move to Los Angeles with a friend. Though I haven’t moved yet (my house is still on the market), the entire process has created a whole new set of value-based questions and answers. Most notably, this has been in the area of materialism, junk and the actual value of possessions which I own.My StoryAs soon as the decision was made, I knew I would have to purge as much as I could in my house. At the time, my brother and I lived together and generally “acquired” whatever others offered to us, and I ended up buying a whole lot of junk that I just didn’t need. Some of this came from drunken-eBaying, some from impulse, and some from just having too much money to spend and not enough responsibility.Within a week, I had gone through both attics, all of the rooms in the house, and the garage. We were able to get a 17 foot box truck (like you’d rent at U-Haul), and WE FILLED IT UP.After taking furniture, several very old computers, broken appliances, and other useless junk to the junkyard, I figured I was pretty much done with that process.Not even close to true.Since then, I’ve tossed about a dozen very full trash cans worth of stuff and I have half of my garage full of stuff to donate or give away.And I’m not done. Each week, I find a new way to reevaluate my materialism, and make new decisions about which possessions are now useless and which aren’t.Through this, I’ve redefined the value I place on my things, redefined the my priorities and values, and ended up with a new perspective that has cleared my head in a way I never thought would be possible. I’m more relaxed, calm, and more focused. While all of this is not due solely to my reduction of useless junk, it has had a significant effect and continues to do so.Less Stuff = Less Distractions = More FocusThe fact is, the more stuff you have, the more draining it is of your energy. Mentally, physically, and emotionally, it becomes exhausting. Keeping track of things in your head, having to regularly clean everything that’s out, and whatever memories are attached to things around your house…it all comes back around and takes up brain space.When you have so many “things” to look after and take care of, not to mention the materialistic mentality of “what am I going to buy next?”, your attention and focus is taken from your main goals, desires, purpose, whatever you want to call it.So, if more stuff = more distractions = less focus, then:Less Stuff = Less Distractions = More Focus.The Materialism BattleMan, I love to buy things. I’ve been called (both endearingly and snidely) a clothes horse, materialistic, obsessive, etc. I can hardly go into Banana Republic without spending a couple hundred dollars. I saved over $250 with my Barnes and Noble card last year. You generally save 10% with the card, so I’ll let you do the math on the amount I spent on books and magazines last year. I spent over $2,000 on domain names alone last year - “I’ve got this idea for a business…”The point is, buying “things” is not a problem for me. And it’s generally not a problem for most people. If this concept is confusing to you, find any girl in the mall and ask her if she likes buying things and why. If it’s still confusing, go to Best Buy and ask a guy in the home theater section the same thing.Especially here in America, we’re bombarded with messages declaring and trying to convince us that there’s something else we need. And if we get it, we’ll be much happier. Makes sense, right?All the while, as we’re buying up all of this “stuff,” we’re spending our hard-earned dollars to acquire these things, spending our valuable attention keeping up with it, and spending our time trying to figure out what we’re going to acquire next.To have these things, we “spend” a lot, and that is the battle we face: The desire to possess vs. the cost of possessing.Why Do You Value Possessions?This will likely be very different for everyone, though I would imagine that your reasons fall under some of the following areas:You wish to increase your social value: Increasing your social value means playing by everyone else’s rules. In a material world, your car, your clothes, your home, and the things that you do and own have some affect on your perceived social value. “A Breitling watch? This guy must be worth a lot…” When people talk about materialism in a negative manner, this is usually what they’re referring to.You have placed sentimental value on it: Sentiment is a very powerful emotion. Yet, at times, sentiment can hold you back from moving forward. The important distinction to make here is to understand which sentiments you have attached to possessions help you and which ones hurt you. Do I need 500 copies of the same rave flyer? Probably not. Toss ‘em.It might have some value/utility in the future: I love to cook. I love to cook so much that I have tons of cooking utensils and appliances. Do I really need the bamboo steamer that I’ve never used? After all, I might need it one day, or might be able to use it one day? Do I need it? Probably not. There are other ways to steam vegetables anyway.Redefining the Value of Your PossessionsIn order to truly win the battle we face against materialism and “having things,” we must ultimately understand the root of the issue. Thus, it is our “desire to possess” which must be addressed and reframed.For myself, the importance that I placed on possessions mostly fell into the first and third category above. Thus, in order for me to move from this frame of mind, I needed to replace those frames with new ones that better served my purpose. I needed to understand what my new purpose was in order to decide why I was making these changes, and in order to determine how far to continue down the road of simplicity.In this case, I felt tied down to what I owned. My things owned me instead of me owning them, and it was keeping me from moving to LA faster, keeping me from having a more clear mind, and furthered a sense of complacency. Thus, I defined my purpose as being to ultimately “live a more simplified life for the sake of being able to explore more valuable opportunities and experiences.”With this purpose defined, reframing the first and third examples above becomes easy:My social value is not increased by material possessions. I can increase my social value through my actions, character, and influence.The extent with which future utility should be valued stops at 6 months. In other words, if I will definitely use it in the next six months, keep it. If not, toss it.Are you seeing a similar process to The Process of Manifestation?Final ThoughtsHow do you place value on your possessions? Are they helping you achieve your goals and live your purpose, or are they holding you back? Do you need the things you have, or do you want the things you have? Better yet, do you want the things you don’t have more than the things that you do have? Are you compensating for a lack of something, within yourself, through the possessions you have or want - What do they fulfill for you?Tynan, Herbal from The Game, took it to the extreme of selling almost everything he has except for a couple boxes and is loving every minute of the added clarity. (As a side note, if you haven’t read his blog, you need to. Not only for the value of entertainment, but also in its utility and application to everyday life, he’s certain to stretch the way you think about a lot of things.)With regard to unnecessary possessions, check out this picture of my office in December last year. 4 computers, tons of books, too many papers and files, and trash everywhere. No wonder I could hardly focus last Winter. Since then, I’m down to core books that are relevant in my life now, one laptop, one computer, most of my drawers are empty and I have one filing cabinet. Not only is it cleaner, but it’s a LOT easier to focus. And yes, the white boards came down. Again, another constant, unnecessary distraction.I ended up getting rid of about a dozen large trash bags of clothes and reduced everything to about 6-8 trash bags worth of clothes that I’m going to keep. With this new frame of viewing possessions, I’ve been toying with the idea of taking it even further to wearing only solid colored shirts, jeans, shorts, and keeping one suit. After all, if I don’t have to think about what I’m going to wear, that opens up additional time for me to think about other things, right?I’m even taking a look at the necessity of the 50 gigs of music I have - is it necessary? What about the 2,000 vinyl records I have from DJing and friends/family? What about my king-sized bed? What about my CDs - especially since I have an iPod and can play that in my car? What about my old sports equipment? Surely I need my wall pictures…don’t I? What about my plates/bowls, etc - do I need three sets like I have?Take this idea as a tool for your life. Push the limits with it and explore it.
Posted on: June 18, 2007Category: Possessions, Reframing Reality, Productivity, Time Management | 1 Comment
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