| Related sites for http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/stalking.html |
| Sexual_Abuse_of_Males__Prevalence,_Lasting_Effects,_and_Resources Discussion and review of statistics on the sexual abuse of male children. | | Lovers_Online Poetry for those who have met, fell in love and got married online. | | American_Foreign_Policy_Council Non-profit organization dedicated to bringing information to those who make or influence the foreign policy of the United States and to assisting world leaders, particularly in the former USSR and Asi | | Jewish_Jobs A clearinghouse for Jewish communal jobs which offers links to positions with Jewish organizations, and option for employers to list jobs. | | Kostura,_Paul Includes family, photographs, hobbies, and links. | | Philosophy_Now Bi-monthly, non-academic publication with news, articles, and columns aimed at those with an interest in philosophy. Site features select full-text articles and contents archive. | | Sukkot_Central_-_OU_ORG OU.ORG Presents Sukkot, with basic and advanced articles, practical guides, and links. | | Dowsers_(eGroups) For discussion of dowsing and related topics. | | CJ_Martes Offers workshops and seminars in Akashic Field Therapy, an integral soul clearing method, Chakra, guided meditation and imagery and past lives and regression. Includes details of services, FAQs, a bio | | Pagan/Heathen_Clergy_Resources Listing of Pagan clergy by state. Also email list, links, and reading list. | | ParallaX_Research_Group Information security news, resources, and files from hundreds of sources, continuously updated archives. | | EDUTRUE__Education_Reform_From_the_Top_Down Offering different perspectives on education reform issues, including original essays, quotations, relevant links, and suggestions for student-driven reform. | | African_Traditional_Religions A short overview of the many Traditional Religions practiced among people of differing cultural, linguistic, and ethnic groups; gives names for the supreme deity in many African languages; part of a l | | Testimonies_of_Sacrifice Stories of battles, daily life, and struggles and heroism of ordinary soldiers. | | Samuel_Johnson Stephen's 1900 study of this noted English writer. | | Astropoint Vedic astrology consultants from India - includes consultation, horoscope analysis services, computerized horoscopes, charts and compatibility. | | Victor_Robles_Mexican_American_Links_Page Unannotated collection of links on such topics as arts and crafts, folklore, entertainment, music, and sports. | | Feinschreiber_&__Associates Books on transfer pricing and international tax issues. | | Saint_Francis_Preaches_to_the_Birds An excerpt from The Little Flowers of St. Francis. | | medieval List for discussion on Medieval history from the Fall of Rome to the Renaissance. |
|
!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN"
"http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd">
Stalking and Domestic Violence
|
Child Safety |
Criminal Mindset |
LEO-Military Security |
Knife Fighting |
Legal |
Martial Arts |
Property Crime |
|
Psychological Survival |
Robbery |
Rape |
Self-Defense |
Stalking-Domestic Violence |
Street Fighting |
In This Hub:
Are Martial Arts Self-Defense?
Mental Preparation
Safe Room
Stop Stalking
NNSD Home Page
Child Safety Hub
Criminal Mindset Hub
LEO-Military Security Hub
Knife Fighting Hub
Legal Hub
Martial Arts Hubs
Property Crime Hub
Psychological Survival Hub
Rape Hub
Robbery Hub
Self-Defense Hub
Stalking-Domestic Violence
Street Fighting Hub
NNSD Home Page
Search the Site
Marc MacYoung?
Dianna Gordon MacYoung?
FAQs
Animal E-list
Crime Blog
Crime Avoidance Lectures
Contact Us
Colorado Classes
Hosting A Seminar
Train with MacYoung
Testimonials
Links
Our Linking Policy
On-line Store
Terms of Use
More topics
The
greatest discovery of any generation
is that a human being can alter his life
by altering his attitude.
William James
Stalking/Domestic Violence
On this page:
Stranger stalkers and violent neighbors |
A law unto themselves |
Selfishness, charm and the monster within |
Handling it yourself |
Should I leave him? |
Handling the police and lawyers |
Stalking solutions |
Safe Room |
Getting your bearings back |
Further Resources
If you are in immediate need of assistance with a stalker go to
Pyramid of personal safety, Five Stages of
Violent Crime and the
Stalking Solutions
pages to get some basic tips on how to protect yourself. If you think a
situation might be heading towards stalking read the
profile
of potential rapists, abusers and stalkers. Contact the police, get a lawyer,
get a restraining order and get in contact with the local women's crisis center
for immediate help.
Stalkers and domestic violence abusers rely on two main components.
First isolating and confusing people with their earlier
behavior.
Second, people
not
being willing to go as far as they will.
They will twist and turn the insides of your mind
until you don't know which way is up and when you try to
reassert yourself in order to get your life back, or
displease them in any way, they will punish you.
A punishment nobody deserves, regardless of what they may have convinced you.
Stranger stalkers and violent neighbors
Basically there are two kinds of stalkers. One is the nutcase that you just
happened to cross somehow. Often these kind of crazies will react so strongly
over a minor or imagined incident that it can become life threatening. When you
encounter a reaction that is way out of proportion to the event, your best
advice is to back away immediately. You do not wish to engage these kinds of
people. In most situations avoiding getting involved in dangerous situations
is not as difficult as most people think it is. Self-defense is a very simple
issue, that is until emotion and pride get mixed into the equation. Simply
backing away before it goes too far is, by far, the safest strategy. Do not try
to tell him off, get the last word or tell him what a jerk you think he is, such
behavior will usually just paint a target on your chest. You're dealing with a
nut case, what you want to do is
de-escalate
the situation, not give him an excuse to go off on you.
If someone is enough of a mad dog to want to contest you over your right to
be on a certain street corner, let him have it. The world is a big place,
you don't have to be on that street corner. What you need to recognize is such a
person is enough of a fruit-loop to think that a such a small incident is indeed
a matter of life and death. That is a person is so twisted out of shape and
angry with the world that you are just another target to him. Someone to vent
his anger on and prove his power. There is nothing the average person can say to
such a person that will have any effect except to encourage further bad
behavior, bad behavior that can -- and will -- escalate if you try to handle it
yourself instead of beating a hasty retreat.
Such a person will often proceed to stalk and harass you if he can find out
where you live or if you are in the area frequently. Fortunately, many of the
ways and means to prevent burglary
and
robbery
will keep you safe from such a person until he finds someone else to vent his
spleen on. And sooner or later, they always find someone else to
harass...especially if you prove to be too tough of a target.
The worst kind of these is when such a person is your neighbor. In all
honesty, if you find yourself living next to someone, the best answer is to
move. However, that is seldom the answer people want to hear. Quite often such
people will engage in unacceptable behavior (e.g. constantly parking a
commercial truck in front of your house) and when you attempt to fix the issue,
it turns into a confrontation.
Call the police immediately. Do not retreat into your home and hope the issue
will go away. These people live for the feud and as far as they are concerned
you fired the first shot by being rude enough to complain about their obnoxious
behavior. Quite often, their behavior that you tried to discuss with them is
illegal and if brought to the attention of the authorities it begins to create a
paper trail you can use in your favor. Even better, such people are often
engaged in domestic disputes, so have no hesitation about calling the police if
you hear a domestic disturbance occurring. Establishing a police knowledge of
these people is import because what will often happen is that they will start to
stalk you and vandalize your property. Remember such people live by the feud and
have no compunction about destroying your property in revenge for the perceived
wrong you have done to them. Once again, many of the same tactics that work to
prevent property crime work to warn away such
people. Consult the police for tips to help protect your property from vandalism
as well as tips that you can do to assist them in making a case against your
neighbor in the event of vandalism. Finally, get an attorney. Don't be afraid to
sue, because they certainly won't be.
In many ways, dealing with the threat of these kinds of stalkers is much
easier than dealing with the other kind. That is the abuse and/or stalking by an
intimate or ex intimate. Quite often the kind of people who do these act are one
in the same, but if you think it is dangerous and complicated dealing with an
annoying neighbor, it is far worse being involved with such a person or having
broken up with one.
A law unto themselves
A fundamental point, that both defines the problem and you must never forget is:
Stalkers/Abusers think of themselves as laws unto themselves.
That is to say that no laws, no social standards, no standards of behavior
and no motivation other than "themselves" dictate their actions. As such, what
would deter a normal person won't even phase them. Normal "laws" of conduct are
like cobwebs to them, nothing more than minor inconveniences, not something that
stops them from getting what they want.. Their wants, their feelings, their
emotions, their needs and -- most deadly of all -- their pride are the only law
they follow. In fact, to them, it is the only law that exists and they will go
to no ends to enforce that law. If such a person cannot manipulate you, then
they will beat you...and then they'll make you feel guilty for it.
In their own childish minds, they are gods upon this earth and no mortal
(you) has the right to deny or hurt them.
Unfortunately, as they consider themselves laws unto themselves, what they
consider denying or hurtful, is unpredictable. On the receiving end of their
behavior it seems that almost anything can set them off. To someone outside
their spells and/or someone who is not emotionally dependant on them, their
behaviors are obviously wrong and manipulative.
Selfishness, charm and the monster within
Recognize that you are dealing with a selfishness that borders on pathology.
Everything they do is oriented on themselves, their gain and their control over
you. And if they feel that they have ever lost that control over you, then
they will go to almost any lengths to get it back. We say almost any lengths,
because while they can be stopped short of killing you, you cannot do it alone.
What you must realize is that the stalking/abuse is just another form of control
over you.
Control comes in many different forms. Such people know how to turn on the
charm to convince people that they are not the monsters they really are. After
all, they convinced you. This is one of their major weapons and sources of
power. When they want something, they can be the height of charm, caring and
sensitivity. They can be romantic, knowledgeable, strong and heroic. Basically
it's a "glamour" they cast. These people, although so charming, thoughtful and
caring at first, do not change into monsters. Like vampires they were monsters
all along, but were able to beguile and win your trust before they revealed
their true nature. They slowly drew you into their web. As long as you accept
them as living gods on earth and cater to their every whim, then you will never
see this monster revealed.
These people have years of experience manipulating people and using violence
to get their way by picking and choosing their victims. Not only have their
successes given them the impression that they can get away with it, but they
have learned from their failures. And each time have become more cunning and
adept at what they do.
Handling the problem yourself
When it comes to stalkers the most important rule you need to remember is:
DON'T Try to handle it yourself
This is THE most common mistake women make when it comes to stalkers.
Bottomline here, if the guy
a) didn't already know he could take you
b) was afraid of you and what you can do, and
c) wasn't pretty sure he could get away with it --
HE WOULDN'T BE DOING IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!
While it is terrifying to believe so, such a person has been studying you
like an insect. He knows your strengths, weaknesses, blind-spots, emotional
reactions and what lengths you are willing to go to better than you do.
That is because he has been studying you, testing you and training you like a
dog to react a certain way. And that is no exaggeration, such people are expert
manipulators and usually have a long time dealing with you before the problems
became this severe. You are playing against a stacked deck already. No matter
how confident, self-assured or competent you think yourself, realize that he
knows your strengths and weaknesses before hand and is building his strategy
around that knowledge. You have been the victim of a prolonged interview that is
now escalating.
If he even thought you had what it takes to wait in the shadows near his
front door with a shotgun he wouldn't be doing it. Not that we are recommending
this course of action, but stalkers do know who not to mess with).
In fact, women who are generally competent and professional in their lives
are MORE likely to be stalked! That is because while they are competent and
confident in "civilized" dealings with men, this is a situation where the normal
social conventions (which provide a significant leveling influence) simply don't
exist. Being suddenly cast adrift in shark infested waters is frustrating,
terrifying and unknown. And that is exactly what he wants you to feel.
Remember stalkers think of themselves as "laws unto themselves." In order to
maintain this delusion they need to operate in isolation. That is to say they
need to find people who are too proud to ask for help and will foolishly attempt
to handle the problem by themselves. It is the woman's pride, confidence in
herself and her abilities -- and her shame for "finding myself in such a stupid
situation" that keeps her from immediately seeking outside help.
And those are the very things the stalker is relying on you to do so he can
keep on doing what he is doing.
That is why you need to call in the cavalry and as much reinforcements as you
can. And that means, police, lawyers, friends and neighbors. Also realize that
this situation is going to cost you...self-defense courses, guns and training,
lawyers, court fees and possibly moving and changing jobs.
There is no easy answer to this problem. It's a long time coming and it will
be a long time going.
Should I leave him?
We are often asked this question from women who are in abusive relationships.
They come to us with tails of violence, emotional, mental and verbal abuse and
yet are not sure if it really is that bad.
Our advice is simple...if you even have to ask the question, the answer is
yes.
If he's hit you, it's bad enough. If he's ever beaten you, it's abuse. If
he's ever put you in the hospital, there is no debate, argument or excuse, it is
abuse and you need to get out of there.
But don't take our word for it. Go to either a local women's crisis center,
free clinic, social services, domestic violence hotline, community counselor or
the police, explain the current situation and ask them if it an abusive
relationship.
Leaving an abusive relationship is not easy, this is why we heartily
recommend getting in contact with the local women's crisis center, abuse
counselor and enlist their aid. It will take a lot of work on your part, but
there is no excuse for maintaining an abusive relationship.
Handling police and lawyers
**Warning**Dealing with police and lawyers can be extremely frustrating. If
you are being stalked your best defense AND aid is documentation. Caller IDs and
recording of harassing phone calls (you can purchase telephone handsets with
tape recorders in them) video tapes, audio tapes, logs and records of events,
etc., etc., are legal requirements for prosecution. If you don't have them, no
matter how severely you are being stalked there is no solid basis for legal
resources. Restraining orders, stalking charges (which most states have laws
about) and litigation work better with documentation.
Contact the police ASAP and
DO NOT ALLOW THE POLICE *NOT* TO WRITE A REPORT
The police are busy...and like busy people anywhere, they really don't want
to increase their work load. And in truth, most situations do resolve themselves
without police involvement. However, if the situation does escalate you NEED a
paper trail. That is why you need to insist on a written report. Do not expect
the police to do the "investigation" for you, present them with a package of
proof that a crime is occurring.
Stalking Solutions
Here are nuts-and-bolts steps you can take to help
stop stalking
Building a Safe Room
For well under $500 you can build a room in your home that in case someone does
break-in you can flee to and remain safe until the police arrive. Building a
Safe Room is cheap, easy and can be done in a day.
Getting your bearings back
A book we highly recommend you read if you think you are involved with,
are dealing with or have dealt with a stalker or a domestic violence situation
is Albert Bernstein's
Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People drain you dry
As we mentioned these kinds of people tend to isolate and befuddle you with
their manipulations, tricks and violence. Reading this book, especially the
Paranoid section will really reveal the patterns, manipulation and hypnosis that
you undergo when dealing with these kinds of people. Although this book is
written by a psychologist, it is written in an easy to read, fun and easily
understandable manner that describes so many of the kinds of people who bring
misery into your life.
In addition, while in the United States you can just pick up a phone book and
immediately find resources to help with domestic violence and abuse, that is
often not so easy in other countries. Andrew Vachss, author and attorney has
this wonderful international/cultural
women's resources page
Return to top
Street Safe: How to Recognize
and Avoid Violent Crime
Learn More >
Order Now!
Affordable Security
Learn More >
Order Now!
Survivor Personality
Learn More >
Order Now!
The Missing Link: Self-Protection Through Awareness,
Avoidance and De-Escalation
Learn More >
Order Now!
Surviving Workplace Violence
Learn More >
Order Now!
Escape Combatives
Special Bonus Feature
ESCAPE DRIVING
Learn More >
Order Now!
Helpful Books at
Amazon.com
About navigating this site |
Animal List |
Bibliography |
Bullies |
Burglary while on vacation |
Classes in Colorado |
Car Jacking |
Children and Martial Arts |
Child Safety |
Criminal Mindset |
Cults in MA/SD |
De-Escalation |
E-mail Dianna |
E-mail Marc|
FAQs |
Have MacYoung speak about crime avoidance
|
Home Page |
Home Defense |
Hosting a Seminar |
Fear |
Five Stages of Crime |
Knife Fighting |
Legal Issues |
LEO/Correctional Officer/EMS |
Linking policy |
Links |
Martial Arts |
Photo Gallery |
Property Crime |
Psychology |
Rape |
Robbery |
Safe Dating |
Self-Defense Training |
Selling your books/DVDs on NNSD |
Seminar Schedule |
Stalking/Domestic Violence |
Street Fighting |
Terms of Use |
Testimonials |
Train with Marc MacYoung |
Who is Dianna Gordon MacYoung? |
Who is Marc "Animal" MacYoung? |
Victimhood |
Workplace Problems |
Zero Tolerance
? 1998-2008 No Nonsense Self-Defense, LLC.
All rights reserved.
|
|
