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Forgiveness News
Forgiveness News
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about forgiveness. Actions you can take
Welcome to our community newsletter, where we can share and focus on
forgiveness.
The power of forgiveness
When I returned to where I had parked my bicycle, I was shocked to find
both wheels buckled and several spokes broken.
I felt angry as I thought about the fact that my bicycle was broken.
Yet when I began to think instead about solving the problem getting myself and
my bicycle back home and repairing my bicycle, I began to use my time and energy
more effectively instead of wasting it by remaining upset.
I was now focused on creating a solution. I was much more likely to be
successful at that than I would have been if I had continued to seek revenge.
Even with a surveillance video tape of the destruction of my bicycle, I was
unlikely to even identify the offenders. If I did know who they are, I would
probably be thinking small if I were to think of getting my revenge on those two
young men who had nothing better to do at 2 AM.
I could create a bigger game by asking "how could I inspire young men to
contribute more to their community".
I would be more powerful forgiving than I would be by seeking revenge.
Signs of unforgiveness
While I may believe that I am forgiving, I have learned to be more aware
of my unforgiveness.
Any time that I gossip about somebody in stead of resolving the issues that I
have with that person, I am probably not forgiving.
Yet there are times when I may need to speak with somebody else first. I may
need to deal with my anger, or get counselling, especially when I am not ready
to face the person. I must carefully choose who I speak
with to ensure I am working toward resolving the issues, and not just creating
gossip.
I also require the self discipline to confront the issues rather than avoid them
by blaming the other person or justifying myself.
What type of forgiveness?
I would ideally like to forgive in a way that creates more effectiveness,
joy and satisfaction in my life and the lives of others.
I do not want to encourage complacency or willful destructive actions. Not from
myself, and not from others.
So to forgive, I cannot simply ignore what happened. I must become aware of what
occurred, take responsibility for my part in it, and come to terms with my
reaction.
I need to avoid blaming myself or others for what happened.
I also must not justify myself or the other person. I admit that I often tend to
justify, even though I know that I really invented many of the reasons and
logical arguments by which I try to justify myself or others.
Forgiveness is freedom.
Many people believe that forgiveness is like telling the person who caused harm
that "it is OK". That is why a lot of people are uninterested in forgiveness.
I believe that forgiveness is giving up the desire for revenge. I see
forgiveness as the act of moving away from playing the powerless role of victim.
To be consistent with that belief, I regularly do "forgiveness exercises". I
read about forgiveness. I spend time with people who forgive.
As I do this, I am less restricted by what happened in the past. I am more free
to enjoy the present and create a new future.
I also write about
forgiveness. I am inspired by what I hear and read in reply to what I write.
Forgiving in relationships.
Having observed some relationships over the last few weeks (including my
relationships), I have seen how important communication, commitment and
forgiveness are.
A friend was having difficulty in her relationship with her partner. More
harmony was created as she began to forgive herself, her partner, her partner's
ex-girlfriend and the in-laws more.
I saw how my own lack of self forgiveness was impacting my relationships with
family, friends and workmates. While my commitment to being on time and
completing tasks on time did get me some results, my lack of forgiveness cost me
in my relationships.
Having seen other examples of forgiveness and relationship, I am glad to be
writing Forgiveness News again
Forgiveness, tolerance and limits.
I was thinking about tolerance and some of my own standards that I am
unwilling to compromise.
What is tolerance? In engineering terms, it is a specification of how much error
is acceptable. It is for example almost impossible to drill a hole exactly 10
millimeteres in diameter. It may be a fraction smaller. It could be slightly
oversized. If it is almost exactly 10 millimeteres, closer inspection is likely
to reveal that it varies between oversized and undersized throughout its depth.
The design engineer creates his design to be forgiving enough that it will work
with the normal amount of error that he would expect. He may need to specify a
narrower tolerance in the more critical areas of his design, or to make his
design more flexible to allow for a wider tolerance.
I often design areas of my life in ways that require such narrow tolerance that
there is little room for normal human error. I could create a more flexible
design.
I also often allow more error than is workable. For example when I delay getting
out of my comfortable bed in the morning resulting in me arriving late at
work. I can forgive myself for that, and recommit to being at work on time -
even if it means getting out of bed promptly or possibly negotiating with my
employer for a later starting time in the morning.
Being around people who have a forgiving attitude.
I was thinking about how much I enjoy being around people who are willing to
forgive. Not only do I feel warm experiencing their forgiving attitude. I am
also inspired by their willingness to forgive past hurts and grievances. I see
more possibilities for now and for the future as I hear them more focused on the
present than the past. They are more able to create a great future instead of
wasting time and energy on expecting their past to be different from the way it
was.
Great!
But am I being as forgiving as them?
Some times yes, and other times no.
I am committed to being more forgiving, and am grateful not only for the
inspiring examples of forgiving. I am also thankful for those less
forgiving who serve as a warning for me. Some of them provide opportunities for
me to make a difference in their lives by their being open to considering the
possibility of forgiveness.
Forgiving ourselves and others for making mistakes.
I was introducing myself to Ken. I said "Hi John, my name is Peter."
I often get upset when I make a mistake, and - well it was not the way I
intended to introduce myself. Ken just smiled as he warmly shook my hand. I
thought "He seems so much more willing to forgive me for my mistake than I am."
Ken has, by his forgiving attitude inspired me to show more compassion for
myself and others when we make mistakes.
Forgiving our parents.
Time and time again I hear people complain about their upbringing. Mum
was overbearing and controlling. Dad did not spend much time with
me..............
As a parent, I know that I was also not great in some regards, yet excelled in
other ways.
As an adult, I can look back at how my own parents were, and appreciate what
they did.
I can forgive them for what I regard as shortcomings in their parenting.
I have learned to accept that their values are different from my values.
And I can appreciate the strengths that I have gained from the upbringing that I
had.
My own parents died some years ago. I am glad to have said all I wanted to say
to them while they were still alive, and could reply to me. I would like to say
more, but no longer have the luxury of having them answer me face to face.
Unless we are willing to forgive, we will miss the precious times with those
people who are still in our lives.
More than a year of forgiveness news.
I was happy to receive another email thanking me for Forgiveness News. As I was
working on passing on her thanks to each of those who have contributed to
Forgiveness News, I discovered that it was over a year ago that this forgiveness
project was started. I also found there were no links to
http://peterpullar.com/forgiveness/team.htm where the original team shared
about creating the forgiveness project. I loved rereading it after a year or so.
I am now satisfied to have thanked those people again, letting them know that
their contribution is still being appreciated.
Forgiveness and freedom.
Having worked in prisons, I have seen the heavy strong steel bars, thick walls
and sharp razor wire that are installed to keep prisoners from escaping.
I feel that same feeling of powerlessness when I am unwilling to forgive. I am
locked into a situation where is nothing that I can do except wait until the
person who I am not forgiving does what I demand.
Yet unlike a prison where I have to wait for somebody to let me out, I can let
myself out of the prison of unforgiveness any time by simply forgiving.
That person may or may not reform, apologize or do what I want. Yet I can remain
free by forgiving and realizing that my unforgiveness is only imprisoning me.
Unforgiveness is unlikely to get me the outcome that I desire.
Forgiveness message.
As I listened to the morning message on Sunday morning 5th June 2005, I felt
excited to hear more about forgiveness.
I wanted to share it with some of my friends, so placed the audio recording on
http://forgivenessnews.com/generosity
I asked for permission to share it with a wider community, and I am very happy
that it was granted. I was also pleased to be complimented on the stories that
are on Forgiveness News. I thank all those who have contributed for that. I also
acknowledge all Forgiveness News subscribers and visitors for your
encouragement.
More than forgiveness.
Yes there are many more aspects to life than just forgiveness
However I regard forgiveness as extremely valuable. Especially as I learn new
aspects of forgiveness, and discover where I could forgive more in my own life.
I love hearing people share their experiences of forgiveness. I enjoy the times
they speak about healing of their relationships.
I acknowledge those who have the generosity and humility to do whatever it takes
to end the resentments and pain.
I am inspired by those who can even go beyond that and be grateful for the
strength and wisdom that they have gained.
While gratitude, appreciation and acknowledgement may be more than just
forgiveness, they are often closely connected.
Taking a few minutes to forgive.
My friend was having difficulty in her relationship. Again!
This time I took a few minutes to forgive her instead of immediately responding
to her request for assistance. I am glad that I did. With a more forgiving
attitude, I was more able to be with her in her time of need instead of being
distracted by my own concerns.
It seems likely that those few minutes of forgiving made my time much more
enjoyable and productive.
Maybe there are other times that I could spend a few minutes forgiving before
rushing off and just doing tasks.
I am happy to get back to forgiveness
I had been working extra overtime. It helped me pay my bills, but at a
cost to my social life and my health. I feel less inspired to write about
forgiveness when I spend long hours working alone.
I have learned to be more understanding of those people who are unwilling to
give of their time. Instead of judging them as stingy, I can appreciate the way
they they remain focused on what they are committed to.
I have now got back to a more balanced lifestyle and enjoyed reading more about
forgiveness again.
Encouraging a friend to Forgive
My friend has so often resented the way his mother brought him up.
I recently acknowledged him for his emotional maturity, and the way he has
gained such strength from his childhood experience.
He gratefully accepted my acknowledgement, wholeheartedly thanking me.
I love being able to contribute more in this way since having forgiven my own
mother for the pain that I felt in my own childhood, and become grateful for the
strengths I have gained from the experience.
Gratitude, Acknowledgement and Forgiveness
While I am enthusiastic about forgiveness, I am also enjoying Gratitude.
Having begun by writing 50 things that I am grateful for, I am discovering that
I have so much to be grateful for.
Having forgiven people for the way they have impacted me in my life, I can also
now be grateful for how I have grown and learned from those experiences.
I used to be bitter and resentful about much of what happened in my past.
Now I can thank each of those people and acknowledge them for contributing to my
strength and wisdom.
Be generous - forgive
The talk about generosity that I was listening to was not about money.
It was more about generosity of spirit, gratitude and forgiveness. As I
listened, I felt excited about the prospect of experiencing that generosity. I
saw the possibility of letting go of any resentments that I may be harboring,
and dealing with those matters now. A new opportunity to be generous by the
simple act of forgiving. It is possible that the offence may be only something
that I imagined. Or I may be blaming somebody else instead of being responsible
for my part in what occurred. Even if it was more than that, it is simply an
opportunity for me to be even more generous.
Forgiving "those people who won't listen"
I was feeling frustrated and angry. I felt as though I had just wasted my
speaking to her when she said she did not understand what I was saying.
Since then, I have learned more about communication. Instead of blaming her, I
can now be responsible for my part in the communication.
When I forgive her for not
understanding me, I can communicate more effectively.
Please forgive me for forgetting your name
I often do not recall people's names. Especially when I am very busy and
have a lot on my mind. When I am uncertain about remembering, I often feel
anxious about calling somebody by the wrong name. Yet some of the times when I
feel confident that I have remembered correctly, I am shocked to discover that I
remembered incorrectly!
I am amazed by how many people remember my name. I appreciate that and I am also
willing to forgive others for forgetting my own name.
When I discussed this with a few people, I found that they are willing to
forgive me for forgetting their name. Most of them admitted to forgetting names.
I seem to be unforgiving of myself when I forget.
A lack of forgiveness
The email which I received from my friend was a story about two boys who
had been granted anonymity for when they will be released from their prison
sentence. I was initially shocked that my friend would send me an email which
objected to prisoners being released early. I thought he would have known me
better and not forwarded that email asking me to add my name to the dozens of
names of objectors. I felt indignant, and was tempted to ring him at the
unreasonable hour when I received the email. I then began to wonder if he did
actually know something about the case other than the news reports. I replied to
my friend's email asking him to phone me. I was glad to speak with him and find
him so willing to listen to me. He was surprised at my response, and added that
another friend who he had sent the email to had told him that the email seemed
to be very judgmental.
To me there seemed to be a lack of forgiveness by so many people, many of whom
know only a few strong opinions yet know little about the case. With their fear
and unforgiveness, they may be ensuring that these people will re-offend!
Read more about forgiveness -
120 more articles.
Hear about forgiveness listen
Forgiveness resources, and more
about forgiveness. Actions you can take
Please note: Forgiveness News
provides information in good faith, and provides no guarantees of the
suitability of any information, nor of any products or services advertised in
Forgiveness News. We request you be
responsible for your use of any information or suggestions offered. Some of the
information may be controversial, confronting, challenging. We apologize to any
persons or organizations we may offend, however will remain firm in our
commitment to honesty, empathy and respect for all persons. While some of
the material provided may be written by qualified practitioners, Forgiveness
News is only a provider of educational, informative and entertaining material,
not as a substitute for the advice a qualified practitioner.
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