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The Idjit's Guide to Successful Gender Transition and if All Goes Well: SRS
The Idjit's Guide to Successful Gender Transition and ifAll Goes Well: SRSIntroductionThroughout gender reassignment surgery history, there has beenmany plausible methods implemented, in order to live as the gender ofone's choice, for the rest of one's life, successfully.Those methods include many arduous tasks, that I firmly believeoughta to be terminated and eradicated, because introduction to thesocial ramifications of choosing one's opposite gender is in itself,a complex task. So I thought it'd be best, to simplify them. To cutout the middleman, as it were.So, I the gender anarchoterrorist that I am, decided to make thesecostly steps a cinch for those of you, who are going through theprocess of gender reassignment.As, I once sadly discovered when I was seeking SRS, the trick tosuccessful gender reassignment surgery is to invent yourself a life,you've never had. In other words, the SRS industry does demand youthat you do so or else you can kiss your new self bye bye. Plainlyput, successful gender reassignment surgery can be summed up in onesentence and one sentence only: Inventing the truth.And, I being the wickedly benevolent beast that I am, ponderedabout the best way to fabricate it cleverly. Months went on andnothing came my way. Then alas! One day, someone sent me, a couple ofpoems. I chose to use those as a slide rule, for those of you seekingSRS.So here they are, the two poems, each of you, must learn by heart,in order to invent yourself, a new life. As my female father, oncepointed out to me: "You must know the lie carnally, inorder to deceive properly. That is the only way for the lieto become the absolute truth." So without further ado, according toSRS direction. Enjoy!!! FOR THE F2MSMAN, I'M GLAD I'M A MAN, MANEveryday I give thanks to GodI was born a man instead of a broadWhen Oprah comes on, I turn off the TVI don't shave my legs, I stand up to peeI go to a barber, not a beauty salonDon't pluck out my eyebrows just to draw them back onDon't wax my pubes so I can wear shortsI use my turn signal, I understand sportsMan, I'm glad I'm a man, manTell you the reason I amI don't go through a faze every 28 daysMan, I'm glad I'm a manI pay cash at the grocery, no checks or couponsDon't take a lot of friends when I go the the johnI don't throw a fit when I break a nailI don't buy a lot of shoes just because they're on saleI don't apply makeup in my rear-view mirrorI don't think of Bambi when I'm out hunting deerI drink beer from a bottle, not from a glassI don't ask my friends about the size of my assMan, I'm glad I'm a man, manTell you the reason I amI don't face the pain of water-weight gainMan, I'm glad I'm a manLet me tell you ladiesListen to me ladiesI love those things inside of your blouseI love your pretty facesYour warm and soft embracesBut if I had my own two boobs, I'd never leave the houseI don't spend two hours getting ready for a dateI don't play with dolls unless they inflateWhen someone asks me my age, I never lieAfter sex in bed, my spot's always dryI don't read about orgasms in Vogue magazinesI don't mind if my dates try to get in my jeansI don't spend a fortune on French lingerieThis is the same underwear I wore yesterdayMan, I'm glad I'm a man, manTell you the reason I amI don't take a pill, I don't use MassengillMan, I'm glad I'm a manMan, I'm glad I'm a man, manTell you the reason I amI find Michael Bolton completely revoltin'Man, I'm glad I'm a manFOR THE M2FSI'm Glad I'm A WomanI'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I amI don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and SpamI don't brag to my buddies about my erectionsI won't drive to Hell before I ask for directionsI don't get wasted at parties and act like a clownand I know how to put the damned toilet seat down!I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your buttmy belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gutand I don't go around "re adjusting" my crotchor yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notchI don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behindI'm a woman you see -- I'm just not that kind!I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could singI don't have body hair like shag carpetingIt doesn't grow from my ears or cover my backWhen I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crackAnd what's on my head doesn't leave with my combI'll never buy a toupee to cover my domeOr have a few hairs pulled from over the sideI'm a woman, you know -- I've got far too much pride!And I honestly think its a privilege for meto have these two boobs and squat when I peeI don't live to play golf and shoot basketballI don't swagger and spit like a NeanderthalI won't tell you my wife just does not understandstick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold bandor tell you a story to make you sigh and weepthen screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman, a woman you seeyou can forget all about that old penis envyI don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicksjoin the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dickI'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful it's trueI'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you! These poems were sent to me by Linda at AOL and onceagain wickedly altered its original intention.Copyright © 1997, Mikhail Pokrovscky. Allrights reserved    You are visitor number:   This page is hosted by  Get your ownFree Home Page.geovisit(); order="0" width="1" height="1">
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