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FRC Violence In The Family and Faith  Family Refuge Center117 E. Washington StreetP. O. Box 249Lewisburg, WV 24901304-645-6334 Pocahontas County dial: 799-4400 Monroe County dial: 772-5005 frc@familyrefugecenter.com We can not guarantee your confidentiality or safety if you use the internet to contact us. Someone may be able to access or read e-mailto us or you.Please call or write if you need total secrecyVIOLENCE IN THE FAMILYA FAITH PERSPECTIVEFamily Refuge Center(304) 645-6334In Pocahontas County call: 799-4400 TABLE OF CONTENTS FAMILY VIOLENCE:IT AFFECTS YOUR CONGREGATIONHOW TO HELP VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCEA GUIDE FOR CLERGYDEALING WITH ABUSIVE MENSUGGESTIONS FOR CLERGY FAMILY VIOLENCE:IT AFFECTS YOUR CONGREGATION A GUIDE FOR CLERGY 12 FACTS ABOUT VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN The number one health risk to women in the U.S is domestic violence. The Surgeon General's office reported in 1992 that domestic violence causes more injuries to women than rapes, muggings, and car accidents combined. Compared with other women, victims of domestic violence:are twice as likely to miscarry and 4 times as likely to bear a low birth-weight baby if attacked during pregnancy.are 5 times more likely to commit suicideare 4 times more likely to require psychiatric treatmenthave an increased risk of alcohol abuse, drug dependence, chronic pain, and depressionhave 2 1/2 times the health care costs of women who aren't batteredhave increased risk of HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases Women are 10 times more likely to be raped than die in a car crash. 3-4 million women are physically battered every year, and every 18 seconds another woman is beaten. As many as 1/3 of all women will be physically assaulted by a partner or ex-partner in her lifetime. A woman is raped every 6 minutes & every hour 16 women confront rapists. 29% of all forcible rapes occur when the victim is less than 11 years old, while another 32% occur when the victim is 11-17 years of age. The crime rate against women in the U.S. is significantly higher than in other countries. The U.S. rape rate is 13 times higher than England's, 4 times higher than Germany's, & more than 20 times higher than Japan's. Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women in the U.S. Women are in 9 times more danger in their homes than on the street. 1/3 of women who present to the Emergency Room for treatment are there because of domestic violence. 92% of battered women do not discuss the abuse with their physician. WHAT CHURCHES CAN DOADVOCATE for full funding and implementation of the provisions in the Crime Bill passed by Congress in 1994 that related to violence against women. Your members of Congress need to be reminded frequently of the urgent need for federal action to protect women and children. Monitor violence against women in your town and bring the needs and stories to the attention of your public officials and church leaders. Did you know that shelters turn away two women for each one they shelter because federal and local governments support less than half the budgets of these shelters. ADVOCATE FOR FUNDS FOR THE SHELTERS. CHURCHES CAN INITIATE AND SUPPORT:Training for church leaders/clergyPrevention programs in church, school, and youth groupsFamiliarity with the local shelter program. Volunteer your time and know how to make referrals to their programStart or participate in community response teams about violence. A BIBLICAL VIOLENCE STORY Stories of violence against women and children are so common that we rarely notice them, even in the Bible. Scholars have begun re-examining these stories, which have all too often been ignored, or worse, used to suggest that such abuse is condoned by God. In II Samuel 13, we read about of King David's sons, Absalom and Amnon, and about his daughter, Tamar. Amnon, desired his sister Tamar. A friend helped him hatch a plot to rape her. Amnon pretended to be ill. When his father came to visit him, Amnon asked to have Tamar sent to make some cakes for him to eat. When David sent his daughter, through clever trickery, Amnon forced Tamar into his bed and "lay with her". As terrible as that is, it is not the end of the story. Amnon, after raping his sister, was "seized with a very great loathing for her" and sent her away in disgrace. When Absalom, the other brother, heard of it, he was distressed. But he said to Tamar, "Be quiet for now. He is your brother. Do not take this to heart". (2 years later Absalom killed Amnon, some say to avenge his sister). The Scripture says that when King David heard of the rape, "he became very angry, but would not punish his son Amnon because he loved him". This story reminds us that violence has always been a part of history - even in prominent & religious families. From this story, we must ask ourselves what we learned from it, as that may help us break the silence. Only then will we be able to prevent violence against women and children and develop effective intervention and healing ministries. OTHER TESTIMONIALS"A combination of factors sent me to my pastor when my husband was at his most abusive. It was the first time in over 40 years I had asked a minister for help. If she had said, 'God only gives us what we can handle' (as a friend of mine was told by her pastor), I would probably not be a believer today. Fortunately, she was sympathetic and helpful; she recommended a shelter program and made other useful suggestions. She said two things I'll never forget: 'God intends us to be whole' and 'You don't deserve this'. The second was especially poignant since I'd always thought his problems were my fault". -from a 1992 survey of United Methodists One of every three members of a church or synagogue is a victim or survivor of domestic violence or sexual assault. Yet the faith community is often the last place those victims will turn for help. "The silence in the faith community needs to be broken. And the faith community needs to be a safe harbor for education, compassion, & healing for families who suffer from abuse". -Violence Against Women & Children: Where is the Faith Community SOME FINAL WORDS"Of all the health and human service challenges we face, perhaps the most devastating and ironically, the most preventable is the epidemic of violence sweeping across the nation. Violence is not some mysterious bacterial infection or inexplicable new disease; rather it is a phenomenon for which we are responsible, and we can prevent it. It is time we stopped the denial and claimed our power to halt the bloodshed and save lives". -Donna Shalala, U.S. Secretary of Health & Human Services "There is a lot of discussion about whether violence is a public health problem....Of course it is!" -Janet Reno, U.S. Attorney General "Domestic violence is not a problem of a few 'diseased or dysfunctional' individuals, but rather is a problem rooted and nurtured in social relationships and structures. Because it is so embedded, stopping domestic violence requires a coordinated community response where health, justice, and social service systems join with educational, religious, and victim services to confront violence. No one institution can do it alone" -Anne Ganley, Ph.D.  IMPORTANT RESOURCESFamily Refuge Center, P.O. Box 249, Lewisburg, WV 24901 (304) 645-6334In Pocahontas County call 799-4400The Family Refuge Center is the domestic violence program that serves our area. Staff there provide:24 hour crisis hotlineEmergency shelter for battered women and their childrenLegal informationCounseling & AdvocacySupport through the legal processSexual assault services to victims and their familiesSupport groupsChildren's ProgramsAdult Basic EducationCommunity EducationInformation and Referral  Return to Top of Page How to help VictimsHOW TO HELP VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCEA GUIDE FOR CLERGY Take seriously what she tells you. Listen carefully to her story, do not judge, and respond to her feelings. Be concerned about her injuries - does she need or has she gotten medical attention? Be concerned about her safety or need for a safe place. Be sure that a safe place is available to her, whether in a home or at the domestic violence shelter; let her know how to contact such a place in your community Support the legitimacy of her getting away from the situation where she is in danger, but do not push her to leave or criticize her for not having left sooner. The danger level intensifies when she leaves the relationship. Recognize that she may feel she has failed as a wife, but she does not cause the abuse. Nobody deserves to be hit. Just because the couple has conflict (normal), that does not mean there is justification for the verbal or physical abuse (not normal). Realize that if she stays in the relationship and her husband does not get help, the abuse will happen again and will get worse. Explain the cycle of violence (elsewhere in this packet). Domestic violence increases in frequency and severity over time. Recognize that she may be very ambivalent. She probably loves her husband and it is quite possible that when he is not abusive he can be very loving toward her. Be aware that an abusive husband may have greatly damaged her self esteem and confidence in her ability to take care of herself and her children. Don't reinforce her low self esteem by taking over and making decisions for her. Choices about her life are hers, not yours. Let her make her own decisions. Suggest that her husband needs treatment. He needs to take responsibility for, and change, his behavior. Has she thought about pressing charges? Battery is a crime, and a record may be helpful in the long-run to hold himaccountable for his behavior. Encourage her to utilize any local resources available to victims so that she can get as much information as possible about her options. The name and number of the program for your area is listed below. Some programs offer support groups, individual counseling and other legal advocacy services. THE PROGRAM IN THE MARLINTON AND LEWISBURG AREA THAT SERVES VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE & SEXUAL ASSAULT IS:FAMILY REFUGE CENTER, P.O. BOX 249LEWISBURG, WV 24901 (304) 645-6334 or 799-4400 You may find these helpful.Assessing character types, (how safe are you?)Assessing whether batterers will kill and signs to look for in a battering personality. Personalized safty plan for the abusedA print ready page that lists steps and items to prepare in case a speedy escape is required. Return to Top of Page SUGGESTIONS FOR CLERGY DEALING WITH ABUSIVE MEN FAMILY VIOLENCE:IT AFFECTS YOUR CONGREGATION A GUIDE FOR CLERGYDEALING WITH ABUSIVE MEN: THE VIOLENCE MUST STOP! Be very clear that the violent behavior is unacceptable. This is the first priority.Do not accept his rationalizations or his blaming the victim. EVEN IF he is under pressure at work, the house is not clean, the dishes are dirty, or infidelity exists, -VIOLENCE IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!Offer him hope that he can change. Tell him about group treatment or other counseling options in your community.HOLD HIM ACCOUNTABLE. Promises to change are part of the cycle of violence. Unless they are accompanied by concrete actions, like going to a treatment group, the promises are meaningless. In order to change he MUST ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS ACTIONS. Then, if he is serious about changing, he will seek out the help he needs.Do not take HIS word that the violence has stopped. Rather, check with his abused partner (without him being present or knowledgeable about the visit with her). Often it is necessary for the couple to separate until there is no more danger of abuse.DO NOT encourage marital counseling until it is clear that the violence has stopped. In relationships of uneven power, couples counseling is not appropriate. To work with them together before the violence has stopped, only serves to endanger the victim. FOR MORE INFORMATION ON; HOW TO DEAL WITH ABUSERS, OR CLASSES CONTACT; OPTIONS AND CHANGES: A MEN'S PROGRAM TO END DOMESTIC VIOLENCE THROUGH EDUCATION: A PROJECT OF Family Refuge Center117 E. Washington StreetP. O. Box 249Lewisburg, WV 24901304-645-6334 Pocahontas County dial: 799-4400 Monroe County dial: 772-5005 frc@familyrefugecenter.com We can not guarantee your confidentiality or safety if you use the internet to contact us.Someone may be able to access or read e-mailto us or you.Please call or write if you need total secrecy Return toFamily Refuge Center Homepage (index) Return to Top of Page This page has been accessed times since July 31, 2000. This page was created Nov 28,1997By Michael CondonLast update: July 31, 2000If you have any questions or comments about this page, sende-mail. |
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