Philosophy- Squashed Desiderius Erasmus - In Praise of Folly - Condensed Abridged  Glyn Hughes' Squashed Philosophers The Condensed Edition of Desiderius Erasmus' In Praise of Folly ... in 2,800 words "Fortune favours the fool." INTRODUCTIONto Desiderius Erasmus' In Praise of FollyGerritGerritzoons was born in Gouda (near Rotterdam), probably inOctober 1466. After both his parents died in the plague of 1483,he followed his father's profession and became a priest.Quick-witted and witty, he was befriended by the Bishop ofCambrai and sent to Paris to study. But he soon came to despisethe nit-picking 'scholastic' teachings, acquired the pseudonym ofDesiderius Erasmus and took to instructing the sons of nobles,wandering Europe and earning the friendship of the continentsleading scholars. His first visit to England in brought him intocontact with Thomas More, John Colet, Henry VIII and the newrational anti-clericalism of which he is now considered theleading light. THE VERY SQUASHED VERSION I am Stultitia, Goddess of Folly, from whom gods and men derive all cheerfulness. I am incapable of deceit. Look how great Jupiter has given men an ounce of reason to each pound of passion. The male sex is born to transact the business of the world, but Jupiter took my advice and added women- foolish and frivolous but with the beauty which lets them rule the world. Says Plato. "states will prosper when guided by philosophy." But history tells us otherwise. I charm away woes, and makes life bearable. It is I who make old men wear wigs. As to the wisdom of the learned professions, the more empty-headed any one of them is, the more he will be thought of. Fake physicians, pettifogging lawyers, chattering barristers- and they make for themselves fortunes! I make men drunk like wine! It is I who alleviate the drudgery of the schoolmaster. The poets ought to laud me, but waste their time with manuscripts and the praise of few. The servile, insipid, empty-headed court grandees frankly live a life of folly with their lazy religion and ridiculous pastimes. Popes, cardinals and bishops are no better. So, live and drink lustily, my most excellent disciples of Folly! ABOUTTHIS SQUASHED VERSIONThiscondensed edition of 2,800 words is paraphrased andadapted from the original 36,800 words of the 1668 translation byJohn Wilson.GLOSSARYBacchus:Personification of wineApollo: Personification of sunlight, prophecyand music.Bruti: The two Brutuses - Marcus Junius Brutusand Marcus Decimus Brutus, assassins of Julius CaesarCassius: Gaius Cassius, another assassin ofJulius Caesar.Cato: Marcus Porcius Cato the Younger and hisgreat grandfather of the same nameChiron: In Greek myth the tutor of heroes, whorefused imortalityCicero: Marcus Tullius CiceroDiogenes: Ancient Greek Philosopher who rejectedcomfort.Gracchi: The 1st century BC reforming Romanbrothers Tiberius Sempronius and Gaius Sempronius Gracchus.Hesiod: One of the earliest of Greek poets.Homer: The reputed source of many Greek mythsand stories.Jupiter: Chief of the godsKolakia: The Greek word for flatteryMarcus Antoninus: Roman General.Mars: The personification of warMinerva: The personification of skillsNeptune: The personification of the sea.Phaon: In Greek myth, the ugly Lesbian boatmanmade beautiful by Aphrodite's magical ointment. Philautia: The personification of self-love.Phoebus: The most wide-ranging of the Greekgodly personificationsPlutus: The personification of wealthQuintilian: 1st Century AD Roman educationalist.Saturn: The personification of growthInPraise of FollybyDesiderius Erasmus, 1509Squashedversion edited by Glyn Hughes © 2005 ERASMUS OF ROTTERDAM to his friend THOMAS MORE, health: As I was coming awhile since out of Italy for England, that I might not waste all that time on horseback in foolish and illiterate fables, I took me to composing of this: IN PRAISEOF FOLLYAn invented oration, spoken by Folly in her own person IN whatever manner I, the Goddessof Folly, may be generally spoken of by mortals (for I well knowwhat ill reports are given of me), yet I assert emphatically thatit is from me, Stultitia, and from my influence only, that godsand men derive all mirth and cheerfulness. You laugh, I see.Well, even that is a telling argument in my favour. Actually now,in this most numerous assembly, as soon as ever I have opened mymouth, the counenances of all have instantly brightened up withfresh hilarity, whereas but a few moments ago you were alllooking woebegone.On my very brow my name is written. No one would take me,Stultitia, for Minerva. No one would contend that I am theGoddess of Wisdom. The mere expression of my countenance tellsits own tale. Not only am I incapable of deceit, but even thosewho are under my sway are incapable of deceit likewise. From myillustrious sire, Plutus [Wealth] I glory to be sprung, for he,and no other, was the great progenitor of gods and men, and Icare not what Hesiod, or Homer, or even Jupiter himself maymaintain to the contrary. Everything, I affirm, is subjected tothe control of Plutus. War, peace, empires, designs, judicialdecisions, weddings, treaties, alliances, laws, arts, thingsludicrous and things serious, are all administered under hissovereign will.Now notice the admirable foresight which nature exercises inorder to ensure that men shall never be destitute of folly as theprincipal ingredient in their constitution. Wisdom, as yourdivines and moralists put it, consists in men being guided bytheir reason; and folly, in their being actuated by theirpassions. See then here what Jupiter has done. In order toprevent the life of man from being utterly intolerable, he hasendowed him with reason in singularly small proportion to hispassions- only, so to speak, as a half-ounce is to a pound. Andwhereas he has dispersed his passions over every portion of hisbody, he has confined his reason to a narrow little crevice inhis skull.And yet, of these silly human beings, the male sex is born underthe necessity of transacting the business of the world. WhenJupiter was taking counsel with me I advised him to add a womanto the man- a creature foolish and frivolous, but full oflaughter and sweetness, who would season and sweeten by her follythe sadness of his manly intelligence. When Plato doubted whetheror not he should place women in the class of rational animals, hereally only wished to indicate the remarkable silliness of thatsex. Yet women will not be so absolutely senseless as to beoffended if I, a woman myself, the goddess Stultitia, tell themthus plainly that they are fools. They will, if they look at thematter aright, be flattered by it. For they are by many degreesmore favoured than men. They have beauty, and what a gift isthat! By its power they rule the rulers of the world.The supreme wish of women is to win the admiration of men, andthey have no more effectual means to this end than folly. Men, nodoubt, will contend that it is the pleasure they have in women'ssociety, and not their folly, that attracts them.I answer that their pleasure, is folly, and nothing but folly, inwhich they delight. You see, then, from what fountain is derivedthe highest and most exquisite enjoyment that falls to man's lotin life.But there are some men (they are waning old crones, most ofthem), who love their glasses better than the lasses, and placetheir chief delight in tippling. Others love to make fools ofthemselves to raise a laugh at a feast, and I beg to say that oflaughter, fun and pleasantry, I- Folly- am the sole purveyor.So much for the notion that wisdom is of any use in the pleasuresof life. The next thing that our gods of wisdom will assert isthat wisdom is necessary for affairs of state. Says Plato."Those states will prosper whose rulers are guided by thespirit of philosophy." With this opinion I totally disagree.Consult history, and it will tell you that the two Catos, Brutus,Cassius, the Gracchi, Cicero and Marcus Antoninus all disturbedthe tranquillity of the state and brought down on them by theirphilosophy the disgust and disfavour of the citizens. And who arethe men who are most prone, from weariness of life, to seek toput an end to it? Why, men of reputed wisdom. Not to mentionDiogenes, the Catos, the Cassii and the Bruti, there is theremarkable case of Chiron, who, though he actually hadimmortality conferred on him, voluntarily preferred death. You see, then, that if men were universally wise the world wouldbe depopulated, and there would be need of a new creation. But,since the world generally is under the influence of folly and notof wisdom, the case is, happily, different. I, Folly, byinspiring men with hopes of good things they will never get, socharm away their woes, that they are far from wishing to die.Nay, the less cause there is for them to desire to live, themore, nevertheless, do they love life. It is of my bounty thatyou see everywhere men of the Nestorean longevity, mumbling,without brains, without teeth, whose hair is white, whose headsare bald, so enamoured of life, so eager to look youthful, thatthey use dyes, wigs and other disguises, and take to wife somefrisky heifer of a creature; while aged and cadaverous-lookingwomen are everywhere seen caterwauling, and, as the Greeksexpress it, behaving goatishly in order to induce some beauteousPhaon to pay court to them.As to the wisdom of the learned professions, the moreempty-headed and the more reckless any member of any one of themis, the more he will be thought of. The physician is always inrequest, and yet medicine, as it is now frequently practised, isnothing but a system of pure humbug. Next in repute to thephysicians stand the pettifogging lawyers, who are, according tothe philosophers, a set of asses. And asses, I grant you that,they are. Nevertheless, it is by the will and pleasure of theseasses that the business of the world is transacted, and they makefor themselves fortunes while the poor theologians starve.By the immortal gods, I solemnly swear to you that the happiestmen are those whom the world calls fools, simpletons andblockheads. For they are entirely devoid of the fear of death.They have no accusing consciences to make them fear it. They are,happily, without the experience of the thousands of cares thatlacerate the minds of other men. They feel no shame, nosolicitude, no ambition, no envy, no love. And, according to thetheologians, they are free from any imputation of the guilt ofsin! Ah, ye besotted men of wisdom, you need no further evidencethan the ills you have gone through, to convince you from what amass of calamities I have delivered my idiotic favourites.To be deceived, people say, is wretched. But I hold that what ismost wretched is not to be deceived. They are in great error whoimagine that a man's happiness consists in things as they are.No; it consists entirely in his opinion of what they are. Man isso constituted that falsehood is far more agreeable to him thantruth. Does anyone need proof of this? Let him visit thechurches, and assuredly he will find it. If solemn truth is dwelton, the listeners at once become weary, yawn and sleep; but ifthe orator begins some silly tale, they are all attention. Andthe saints they prefer to appeal to are those whose histories aremade up in the main of fable and romance. Though to be deceivedadds much more to your happiness than not to be deceived, it yetcosts you much less trouble.And now to pass to another argument in my favour. Among all thepraises of Bacchus this is the chief, that he drives away care;but he does it only for a short time, and then all your carecomes again. How much more complete are the benefits mankindderive from me! I also afford them intoxication, but anintoxication whose influence is perennial, and all, too, withoutcost to them. And my favours I deny to nobody. Mars, Apollo,Saturn, Phoebus and Neptune are more chary of their bounties anddole them out to their favourites only, but I confine my favoursto none.OF all the men whose things I have witnessed, the most sordid aremen of trade, and appropriately so, for they handle money, a verysordid thing indeed. Merchants are the biggest fools of all.Whenever it is necessary, they will lie, perjure themselves,steal, cheat, and mislead the public. Nevertheless, they arehighly respected because of their money. There is no lack offlattering friars to kowtow to them, and call them RightHonorable in public. The motive of the friars is clear: they areafter some of the loot. But as I look round among the various classes of men, I speciallynote those who are esteemed to possess more than ordinarysagacity. Among these a foremost place is occupied by theschool-masters. How miserable would these be were it not that I,Folly, of my benevolence, ameliorate their wretchedness andrender them insanely happy in the midst of their drudgery. Theirlot is one of semi-starvation and of debasing slavery. In theschools, those bride-wells of uproar and confusion, they growprematurely old and broken down. Yet, thanks to my good services,they know not their own misery. For in their own estimation theyare mighty fine fellows, strutting about and striking terror intothe hearts of trembling urchins, half scarifying the littlewretches with straps, canes and birches. In fact, their own mostwretched servitude is to them a kingdom of felicity.The poets owe less to me. Yet they, too, are enthusiasticdevotees of mine, for their entire business consists in ticklingthe ears of fools with silly ditties and ridiculously romantictales. Of the services of my attendants Philautia[Self-approbation] and Kolakia [Flattery], they never fail toavail themselves, and really I do not know any class of men whoare more devoted and constant followers. Moreover, there are therhetoricians. Quintilian, the prince of them all, has written animmense chapter on no more serious subject than how to excite alaugh. Those, again, who hunt after immortal fame in the domainof literature unquestionably belong to my fraternity. Poorfellows! They pass a wretched existence poring over theirmanuscripts, and for what reward? For the praise of the very,very limited few who are capable of appreciating their erudition.Very naturally, the barristers merit our attention next. Talk offeminine garrulity! Why, I would back any one of them to win aprize for chattering against any twenty of the most talkativewomen that you could pick out. And well indeed would it be ifthey had no worse fault than that. I am bound to say that theyare not only loquacious, but astoundingly pugnacious.After these come the philosophers, who are reverenced for theirbeards and the fur on their gowns. They announce that they aloneare wise and that the rest of men are only passing shadows. Thefact that they can never explain why they constantly disagreewith each other is sufficient proof that they do not know thetruth about anything. They are ignorant even of themselves, andare often too absent-minded or near-sighted to see the ditch orstone in front of them. Their insane self-deception is verydelightful. They beguile their time with computing the magnitudeof the sun, moon and stars, and they assign causes for all thephenomena of the universe, as if nature had initiated them intoall her secrets. In reality they know nothing, but profess toknow everything.Perhaps it would be wise to pass over the theologians in silence.That short-tempered and supercilious crew is unpleasant to dealwith. They will proclaim me a heretic, a thunderbolt they use toterrify the people they don't like. Their opinion of themselvesis so great that they behave as if they were already in heaven;they look down pityingly on other men as so many worms. A wall ofimposing definitions, conclusions, corollaries, and explicit andimplicit propositions protects them. They are full of big wordsand newly-invented nonsense.Then there are thosewho commonly call themselves the religious and monks.Both are complete misnomers, since most of them stay as far awayfrom religion as possible. They are so detested that it isconsidered bad luck if one crosses your path, and yet they arehighly pleased with themselves. They cannot read, and capitalizeon their dirt and poverty by whining for food from door to door.These smooth fellows simply explain that by their very filth,ignorance, boorishness, and insolence they enact the lives of theapostles for us. It is amusing to see how they do everything byrule, almost mathematically. Any slip is sacrilege. each shoestring must have so many knots and must be of a certain color.They even condemn each other, these professors of apostoliccharity, making an extraordinary stir if a habit is beltedincorrectly or if its color is a shade too dark. The monks ofcertain orders recoil in horror from money, as if it were poison,but not from wine or women. They take extreme pains, not in orderto be like Christ, but to be unlike each other. Most of themconsider one heaven an inadequate reward for their devotion toceremony and traditional details. They forget that Christ willcondemn all of this and will call for a reckoning of that whichHe has prescribed, namely, charity.IT is high time that I should say a few words to you about kingsand the royal princes belonging to their courts. Very differentare they from those whom I have just been describing, who pretendto be wise when they are the reverse, for these high personagesfrankly and openly live a life of folly, and it is just that Ishould give them their due, and frankly and openly tell them so.They seem to regard it to be the duty of a king to caress byevery means in his power the vulgar populace, in order to wintheir good graces, and to make them the subservient tools of histyrannical behests.As for the grandees of the court, a more servile, insipid,empty-headed set than the generality of them you will fail tofind anywhere. Yet they wish to be regarded as the greatestpersonalities on earth. Not a very modest wish, and yet, in onerespect, they are modest enough. They wish to be bedecked withgold and gems and purple, and other external symbols of worth andwisdom, but nothing further do they require. These courtiers,however, are superlatively happy in the belief that they areperfectly virtuous. They lie in bed till 'till noon. Then theysummon their chaplain to their bedside to offer up the sacrificeof the mass, and as the hireling priest goes through his solemnfarce, with perfunctory rapidity, they, meanwhile, have all butdropped off again into a comfortable condition of slumber. Afterthis they betake themselves to breakfast; and that is scarcelyover when dinner supervenes. And then come their pastimes- theirdice, their cards and their gambling- their merriment withjesters and buffoons, and their gallantries with the courtfavourites.Next let us turn our attention to popes, cardinals and bishops.If bishops did but bear in mind that a pastoral staff is anemblem of pastoral duties, and that the cross solemnly carriedbefore them is a reminder of the earnestness with which theyshould strive to crucify the flesh, their lot would be onereplete with sadness and solicitude. As things are, a right bonnytime do they spend, providing abundant pasturage for themselves,and leaving their flocks to the negligent charge of so-calledfriars and vicars.Fortune favours the fool. We colloquially speak of him and suchas him as a 'lucky bird,' while, when we speak of a wise man, weproverbially describe him as one who has been 'born under an evilstar' and as one whose horse will never carry him to the front.If you wish to get a wife, mind, above all things, that youbeware of wisdom; for the girls, without exception, are heart andsoul so devoted to fools that you may rely on it a man who hasany wisdom in him they will shun as they would a vampire.And now, to sum up much in a few words, go among what classes ofmen you will, go among popes, princes, cardinals, judges,magistrates, friends, foes, great men, little men, and you willnot fail to find that a man with plenty of money at his commandhas it in his power to obtain everything that he sets his heartupon. A wise man, however, despises money. And what is theconsequence? Everyone despises him!Wherefore farewell, clap your hands, live and drink lustily, mymost excellent disciples of Folly!  Desiderius Erasmus1466-1536Erasmus' tombin Basle Cathedral. |
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