Life, the Universe and Donna: oh no, not again
October 10, 2008 -
5:03 pm: before I met you, my heart was a crap taco
This was sent to me as a warning for what’s to come: The 8 Phases of Dating. In other news, it would rule to date a unicorn, but not a tyrannosaurus rex. I should be working, but instead I giggle. Well, at least it’s after 5.
Comments (0) | Category: The Usual Crap
1:55 pm: “Him”
So, I was perusing the “casual encounters” section of Craigslist this morning, while posting something for sale (by the way, want to buy a desk? Make me an offer.) I love it. It’s always such a kick, despite the high quantity of disembodied penises that seem to post. I have an intense dislike for people who want to show you their cocks before their face. Seriously, as much as I like cocks, I’d rather meet YOU before I meet your cock. Disembodied penises? How do they type?What gets me even more, though… referring to your cock as someone else. “He” likes blondes with big tits. “My cock” enjoys hot pussy. “Little John” likes walks on the beach and cuddling. (Ok, I made that last one up.)Seriously, though? Maybe think about taking personal responsibility? Newsflash, boys: You & your cock are THE SAME. Try not to be a total cock, eh?
Comments (0) | Category: Dirty Perverts
October 9, 2008 -
12:03 pm: IT’S A MEME! I’M ANSWERING IT.
Mememememe…*cough* Okay then. Meme stolen from Tania. How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking?Well, I think it’s happened before. Once. Maybe. Have you ever kissed someone who’s name starts with a T?I nearly married a guy who’s name starts with a T. I think I may have kissed him once or twice. Perhaps. Maybe. Who was the last person to make you smile?Good god, I smile a lot. Probably a coworker. Or a customer. Have you ever kissed in the rain?Well, this is obviously one of those “aimed at 15 yr old” memes. Either that, or written by someone who didn’t live in Vancouver. Yes.Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?I hope so. I’m already planning Christmas presents. Who was the last person you talked to last night before bed?Nick, of course.Whats the longest you’ve ever talked on the phone?Ooh man, I used to have some marathon long distance calls… let’s find out from the $400 phone bills from when I was 16… Whats the first thing you think of when you hear the word “mustard”?hot dogs! Who knows you better than you know yourself?Well, my mother has an annoying habit of being right about me… Who was the last girl you talked to?Insert Random Customer Here. Who was the last guy you talked to?Theo, a coworker. What does the last text message in your inbox say?“Just got an iPod speaker system for the bathroom today cause I got a free $50 gift cert for future shop. It’s pretty sweet, and it’s wall mountable!” Who have you texted in the last 24 hour?Nobody. Whats the closest thing to you thats liquid?Diet coke. Mmm, diet coke. Something that made you happy today?*sap* cuddling with my wonderful boy.What are you going to do Friday?I haven’t planned that far in advance. Possibly play Warcraft. In winter, would you rather wear jackets or hoodies?Hoodies aren’t warm enough. I usually wear my ever so awesome calf-length vintage coat. Or if I’m feeling more casual, my ski jacket. Sometimes with a hoodie under it. Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?sleeeping.How long can you go without your mobile phone?I lasted two weeks. It sucked. Who did you last call babe/baby?Justice. Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a J?To be honest, I’m pretty sure we could go through the whole alphabet, and the answer would still be “Yes”. Well, maybe not “X”, unless we count nicknames. What time did you go to sleep last night?11:30. Stupid laundry.Are you excited for the future?Very much so. When was the last time you yelled?At the dog, this morning. Where’s your cell phone?sitting next to me, obviously. I had to pull it out of my bag look up the most recent text message I received. Do you have any plans for tomorrow?Well, that’s the same as that “Friday” question above. So … see above. Do you like your name?I don’t mind it. It’s interesting in that it’s a bit old fashioned (find me another Donna under 50, and I’ll show you someone who doesn’t know a lot of Donna’s under 50…) but it’s common enough so everybody can spell it. Do you like being in pictures?I like being in GOOD pictures… Are you happy at the moment?I am! Who knew?Are you a morning person or a night person?Night. Late night. VERY late night. So late, it’s practically morning. But not quite. Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry?Both, in fact! I’m apparently a horrible, horrible person. Do you get distracted easily?…sorry, what? I was looking over here. Can you keep a secret?Sometimes. Do you have any phobias?Spiders. ugh. Also, Terminators. Don’t ask.Do you have trust issues?Hahahahaha. Oh god. You could say that. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex that you can talk to?Nick. He’s my best friend. (Well, Tina too, but I never see Tina…)Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?Hell, I once changed my shirt while doing 120 on the freeway in Oregon… Are you loved?I might just be. Whee!Do you care what others think about you?No-ish. It annoys me when people make assumptions about me, but in the long run… eh, it doesn’t matter. How has this past week been for you?Sleepy.Do you have any bruises?I always have bruises.Are you happy with your life?Am indeed. It’s good.If you could freeze time, would you?Laundry Day. See you there.Underthings…tum-b-ling.Wanna say “Love your hair.”Here I go (mmmrrhhrr) mum-b-ling.With my freeze ray I will stop - the world.With my freeze ray I will find the time to find the words toTell you how. How you make.Make me feel. What’s the phrase?Like a fool. Kinda sick.Special needs. Anyways.With my freeze ray I will stop - the pain.It’s not a death ray or an ice beam, that’s all Johnny Snow.I just think you need time to knowThat I’m the guy to make it real.The feelings you don’t dare to feel.I’ll bend the world to our willAnd we’ll make Time stand … still.That’s the plan. Rule the world.You and me. Any day.Love your hair. (What? No, I, I, I love the air.) Anyway.Oh, sorry, I got carried away. Would I freeze time? Probably not. When was the last time you cried?No idea.Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?Surprisingly enough, these days I’d say yes. If you could go back in time and change things, would you?I’d like to say yes, but … I’d be a different person if I did. What is your favorite number, color, and animal?12, red, giraffe. Missing anyone?Nick! Yeah, I know, I saw him this morning and I’ll see him tonight, but … oh shut it, I’m a sap.How many TRUE friends do you have that you can tell anything to?Enough. Does it take a lot to make you cry?Depends. Real life crying? Yes. Sappy movie crying? No.Is someone missing you?I think so.
Comments (3) | Category: Stupid Meme Time
8:04 am: Sometimes I’m a little silly.
One of my earlier memories is being about 5 years old (I know based on where we lived — this is the only reason I ever have any idea how old I was in memories) and my babysitter (ie, the old lady down the street who sewed me & my cabbage patch doll matching nightgowns) had come over in the evening, because my mother worked nights. I recall coming downstairs to find Mom, and asking where she was… only to be told that she’d already left. I immediately burst into tears, and was inconsolable for hours that she’d left without saying goodbye to me. Fast forward a few years. Like, say, 20. I’m a very, very heavy sleeper, as well as a very, very LOUD sleeper. I toss and turn, I talk in my sleep, I grind my teeth… and I’ve dated more than my fair share of insomniacs. Said insomniacs were used to their insomnia, and despite my annoying sleeping, weren’t going to take it out on me… so when my noisiness would keep them awake, they’d usually just go crash on the couch. …and, of course, when I finally woke out of my snorting, grunting, tumultuous sleep and found that they’d left, I’d feel awful. Partially because, well, I also tend to date men who are allergic to cats, and since almost all of my historical roommates have had cats, we’d usually stay at their places… so there’d be some guilt for driving them out of their own beds. But mostly, it’d be this horrible sinking feeling of waking up alone when I wasn’t expecting to wake up alone. Fast forward a few more years — maybe 4. This morning, my alarm went off at 6:30, and as is usual for the first fifteen minutes of the morning, I got my cuddle time. This is good, and is about the only thing keeping me sane at the moment. Luckily, I didn’t actually have to wake up much — Nick’s off to his boot camp, and I got to sleep in til 7:30. But, he usually comes and says goodbye as he leaves… My alarm went off at 7:30. The lights were out, the dog was sleeping curled up under my arm, and of course Nick was long gone. And I was desolate. 7:30? But… that means that Nick’s already left… but… but… I got up, and he’d already arrived at work and was about to run off to his boot camp. He mentioned that he’d tried, but I was dead to the world…sweet jesus, wake me up!I was just about in tears when I woke up. Yes, I know, this is ridiculous, but damnit! It’s like missing my cuddle time. It just starts the morning wrong. Well. At least I got my cuddle time…
Comments (1) | Category: Domestic Bliss
October 8, 2008 -
5:29 pm: This is exactly why I’m not a feminist.
Erin (and I’m sorry, sweetie — I’m not picking on you, I just vehemently disagree…) to this article a few days ago. The basic gist is: “If you believe in, support, look fondly on, hope for, and/or work towards equality of the sexes, you are a feminist.”No. And, quite frankly, the very concept of this article is ANTI-feminist, if you ask me. Is the heart of feminism not about choice? So why is my right to choose my own labels being taken away by a so-called “feminist”? I believe in equality. However, that doesn’t necessarily make me a feminist, because I get to choose what I call myself. I get to choose ALL of my labels — woman, computer nerd, friend, socialist, girlfriend, lover… these are MY choices, and nobody else gets to decide what I am for me. Let’s put it this way: I believe in the concept of an egalitarian, classless, stateless society based on common ownership of the means of production and property in general…. but that doesn’t make me a Communist, either.
Comments (12) | Category: Crap from Other People
2:46 pm: Have some heart.
I read a lot of paramedic blogs. Without fail, once or twice a week, one of the posts I read will have me tearing up a bit… like this one. It’s not particularly sad, in fact the turnout was just fine. Unsurprisingly, the 19 yr old kid was NOT having a heart attack. But as the author said to the kid…“No mate, I’d rather come out to someone who is thinking they are having a heart attack than to come out to someone lying dead on the floor because they ignored their heart attack”. My grandmother had a heart attack Christmas day in 2001… but didn’t want anyone to make a fuss over what she thought was indigestion from a big Christmas dinner. After almost a week, she mentioned that she still had that same damn indigestion. What? Damnit, Nana! Her doctor was called who, of course, demanded that we call 911 immediately. Even then, she was of the opinion that it wasn’t worth the fuss, and asked the dispatcher not to bother with the whole lights & sirens thing… don’t want to wake up the whole neighbourhood, after all. Don’t want to make a fuss. Of course, they told her to shush, and of course they were going to go lights & sirens, you silly old bat. This isn’t something you fuck around with… FOR A WEEK! She died in hospital three weeks later. We don’t know what would have happened if she’d mentioned the pain earlier — she was pretty old (87), and heart trouble runs in my family (both of her sons have had open heart surgery). She’d had an aortic aneurysm a year prior, requiring a shunt to get put into her aorta to keep it from rupturing — that’s one of those “ten seconds and you’re dead” sort of things if it does — and it was luck of the draw that it was found to begin with. So, we were pretty happy to that she’d stuck around an extra year. Still… would we have had her a bit longer if something had been done sooner? Who knows, but maybe she’d have survived long enough to see her newest granddaughter learn to crawl, instead of dying when she was a month old. This is a fantastic video. Watch, listen, and remember that your paramedics would rather give you an unnecessary ride to the hospital than a necessary ride to the morgue.
Comments (1) | Category: Trauma Queen
October 7, 2008 -
1:16 pm: How to be the most popular girl in town
Simple: Go to a gay bathhouse on one of the two nights they allow the vagina-enabled to visit. Before I left, I asked Nick “Do I look like something a gay man would find attractive?” He replied, “Uh… what’s the correct response here?” True enough, I suppose I wasn’t expecting the gay men to think that the half-naked women with their breasts and uteruses to be their cup of tea, but holy crap. We’d been there for ten minutes, stripped down (I kept bra & undies & towel on for the majority of the evening — street clothes aren’t allowed) and I was being given the tour… with a trail of very attractive towel-clad (and towel-less) men following us wherever we went. If we paused in one area for more than a minute or two, half a dozen men would suddenly appear off to the sides. Huh. I learned the art of saying “No thanks, not right now” very quickly. It’s an interesting environment. I can honestly say that most women would NOT like it, at all, because unsolicited touching is something we’ve been trained to throw hissy fits at. And in the regular world, that’s totally legit and expected: you SHOULD be throwing hissy fits at unsolicited touching. I’ve been known to ream people out for touching without asking on many occasions. Luckily, I’m not most women, and put me in the right environment… and hey, this is fun! The men are pushy. Very pushy. That said, they’re generally polite about it — it’s an odd combination of “Please please please? No? Damn… Are you sure? You are? All right. Thanks anyway.” I never once felt unsafe, or even like I had to do more than nicely dissuade — didn’t even have to be particularly firm. No rejection, it’s just that I came with friends, and on my first time out, I’d like to stick with them.Friction is absolutely gorgeous. It’s dark and classy. How often have you thought of the words “bathhouse” and “tasteful” in the same sentence? They pull it off. It’s clean — everything is hosed off on a regular basis. I had a moment of “what the FUCK was that?” in the steam room, until I realized… oh, yeah, that’s a big gob of water from the ceiling. Heh. Phew. I had a great time. On my way out, the guy manning the front desk told me I should come back! Soon! Friday, even! Bring my girlfriends! Evidently they’re opening up Friday’s to be vag-friendly as well. Awesome. Me & my vag will definitely be back. “Don’t do anything the gay men wouldn’t do,” says Nick.“So… don’t have sex with women? Waaait a second… I never agreed to that…” says I.
Comments (8) | Category: Dirty Perverts
12:08 pm: They call him “Sea Wolf”. No, really.
Link courtesy of Kimli, I think I just about screamed with laughter at these Personalized Romance Novels. Suitably, we have an excerpt from the personalized “Pirates of Desire”:. . . Donna slapped the coin from his outstretched hand, sending it flying into the shrubbery. “We don’t want your blood money!” Nick sighed, his eyes narrowing, then he suddenly reached out and grabbed Donna by her bodice string that, unbeknownst to her, had become untied and hung loosely from her dress. The lace tightened immediately as he pulled her towards him like a dog on a tether. Donna winced with surprise and embarrassment, her gray eyes ablaze. He leaned close to her, breathing softly in her ear, making Donna almost lose her balance and certainly some sense. He paused just long enough to catch her off guard in anticipation, when he said, “You might want to keep the girls tied up,” and he tightened the lace and tied a knot. Her face flushed and she slapped him hard on the cheek. Nick grabbed her by her light brown hair and planted a kiss on her lips, long and sensual. When he released his grip, she was reeling, wild eyed as a scurvy dog. “Take them away!” he ordered with a wave of his hand. The buccaneer escorts grabbed the women’s wrists and roughly pulled them towards the path. Donna turned her head and caught the captain’s eye. “Now I know why they call you Sea Wolf. I think you are despicable!” she yelled at the top of her lungs. She quickly looked to the Marmot, a look of terror in her eyes as they were dragged down the pathway. Nick smiled, as he heard his crew laughing from afar; this was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. If circumstances were different, he would have asked her to join him. But he hadn’t even found out her name… So, so unrealistic. Like I’d ever not NOTICE my bodice being untied. I mean, really.
Comments (0) | Category: Crap from Other People
October 6, 2008 -
3:02 pm: Gayer than two gay men having gay sex
Tonight, I’m going to Friction, which is normally for gay men only, but on Monday nights… they allows us vag-packing faghags to take a gander. This? This should be fun!
Comments (4) | Category: Dirty Perverts
12:22 pm: DS: Not for kids. Also, for kids.
So I have a nintendo DS. Makes sense, I’ve been a Nintendo fangirl since I was about 8, and have never owned a non-Nintendo game system (save for a very short lived Sega Game Gear that chewed through batteries faster than my vibrator). I’m rather intrigued by shopping for games these days. It seems like an odd combination of “games for grownups” and “games for wee kids”. It seems like less and less games for gamers are made for the DS. Is the DS not very gamer friendly? Well, I guess it’s not really. I’ve played very little of my Zelda or Mario games on it, because they have stupid arbitrary save points. Since I bought my DS for use on transit (hello, portable game system!), I can’t really play them — I need to be able to stop and save at any given point (ie, when I get off the bus, not when I finish the third castle). Sure, I could just close the lid, but sometimes I ignore the DS for a week or two, and then the battery dies and my progress is lost. Not amused, Nintendo. But I’ve been looking at the “Grownup” games and I find myself intrigued and tempted to pick up a copy of Brain Age… or Big Brain Academy. Since when are game systems supposed to be educational? Huh. The other thing I’ve noticed is the ridiculously verbose Nintendogs, along with a variety of other “very-young-kids” games that I have no interest in whatsoever. Seriously, how many Pokemon games does one game system need? I found this list of best selling video games. For the DS, we have Nintendogs, Pokemon, Mario, Brain Age 1 & 2, Mario Kart, Animal Crossing, more Mario, Big Brain Academy, Zelda, more Mario. more Pokemon, more Mario… I’m sensing a trend here. I think I’ll just go pick up a copy of Tetris… and maybe be tempted by Brain Age on my way out the door. Oh crap. I think I might be their target audience… did I become a grownup when I wasn’t looking or something?
Comments (9) | Category: Game Nerd
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On the topic of office politics:
"Mom, you have to tell them what they want to hear." - |
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